(actually, feeling a tad more social)
so the other day, i experienced one of the benefits of keeping an online journal. someone i knew very casually IRL im'd me to tell me i'm a weirdo (normal for me, really), and as the conversation went on, due to the things pointed out to me from what i write here, and the questions asked, i came to a bit of a realization. this wasn't one of those out of the blue realizations - more like pinpointing something that has been under the surface for a long time without actually being given the proper words.
and the proper words are: when something happens to upset me/my day, i don't necessarily dwell on the event that was crappy, but am almost incapable of raising my mood from crappy into something better
on my own.
give me other people as motivation to be more social, and i do better. give me a friend's problems or even day, and i switch focus to the without, and feel better. but, i was showing an inability to do that on my own.
so, now i am trying to do that on my own. i think i am doing okay. i am still very curious about how this works into my codependence issues, too... (kinda adds an extra angle to my mom's theory that i get all depressed the moment my life takes a social low-tide)
as far as what i've been doing... lets see...
Saturday i spent most of the day at arisia. i got there shortly before 4:30, and spent lots of time roaming around dealers row, where they weren't checking for badges. i think it was good for me to have gone alone, but it also made me realize how much better of a time i could have had if i didn't do that, simply because i like having a 'home base' at big social functions - a default person to go to for comfort, a person to look for when i get bored, and someone i don't feel like i'm intruding on if i'm just hanging out there & not making conversation. which isn't me saying that i think the people i spent lots of time around didn't want me there - more that without an invitation somewhere, i feel like i might be stepping on toes.
for dinner, i went with k., h. and thir friend m. to the deep blue sea - the ethiopian restuarant by the cyclorama - i justified the expense by the fact that i've been meaning to check it out for some time, and then was as good a time as ever. especially so because k. is very good at picking out wines : )
the food there was really yummy, but now i want to go back to the ethiopian place in central to solidify my impressions - as far as i recall, the food at asmata was thicker in consistency and spicier (which i prefer) but, i don't remember seeing combination dishes on their menu, and overall, ther menu was much smaller.
after dinner, i got back to the hotel & hung around some more, with the prospect of going to a party or two... but, my tummy and head were not feeling cooperative, so i just took a cab home sometimes around midnight.
overall, i think i know what to do to have a blast at a weekend like that, but, it would also involve spending a fair amount of money and suspending my sense of disbelief - and mostly for financial reasons, i don't think it will happen anytime soon.
sunday i woke up fairly early and spent the day hanging around the house - folded laundry, did dishes, and read a bunch. towards the evening, i made enough pasta to feed a small village (i just realized that i may not be able to finisht he leftovers before the trip : ) ), which
she joined me in eating, and then we went to reverie.
and boy was it crowded : )
after getting there, and having my hands x'd for forgetting my id in my skirt from last wednesday (where it still sits), i realized i wasn't in a social enough mood to try and work around the corwds & make small talk, and just sat by the vendor's table for most of the night.
something i feel like a total twit for - i got a reverie shirt. i was pretty happy aout it. i brought it home. when adam got home, i realized it was in the kitchen, and in front of him, grabbed it - saying i didn't want to lose it.
well. i have no recollection of where i put it. moreover, i spent 20 minutes looking for it this morning, and didn't find it. and still haven't. i feel like the world is playing some cruel joke on me.
but, that does bring us to today.
and today has been just on the hazy side. work was ok in the morning, but by afternoon i felt a bit swamped (prolly as much by the amount of stupidity/ignorance of the afternoon callers then the volume of them), and was so pissy by the end of day that i put my jazz cd into the cd player - anything more would've just been too much.
and since getting home, i'd been lethargic. ran one errand, and was debating going to bed at like 9pm. but then i called kira, and she called me back, and i felt a bit more awake : )
after that was an odd call from kristine, but i'll write about that later, as i'm getting tired again.
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