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buzzzzed entry...
just because i haven't written one in a while... and i need to stay up, as i invited a couple of people here, and need to stay up in general, as i'd gone to bed early for the majority of the past week....

the evening at the club felt like it was missing something...
familiar faces is definitely a big part of it... but its not all. at some point, i knew a bunch of the people at the club. and through those people, i met more. now, tonight, i barely knew anyone, and didn't meet a single new person. and i have a feeling a while bunch of that is me.

excited about the fact that i got CdS tix... jedi agrees that the grand chapiteau is smaller then the tents we've seen the previous CdS shows in, which makes what i was afraid of were mediocre seats seem better... and hey - its CdS - despite the fact that quidam didn't blow me out of the water as much as alegria (my favorite to date) and varekai did, its still amazing. and i'm curious to see if/how many changes i will notice.

had dinner with sol3 earlier, too. indian food = happy tummy. especially as i get fish, which is good for me (have i mentioned that i was in shock that when my bloodwork came back with good protein levels??). and the noteable thing is that this is the first time i've actively wanted takeout. usually, i prefer eating out - i like the change of scenery of being in a restaurant, and eating out has generally good associations. but i've been rather stressy lately, and for the first time,i wanted the eating-out yummy food, but in the comfort of my own bedroom. its just a new perspective popping up into my life.

saw cruel intentions again today, too... funny how differently i see it since developing a buffy addiction - when we all saw it in the theaters, i had never seen a full episode of buffy and now see how being used to seeing an actor/actress in a certain role can totally skew your perceptions.

and speaking of perceptions, tobi and i have been talking about it all lately. its weird to be told that my reactions are distinctly different from the norm. like, i realize i'm relatively weird, and that i have my faults... but being told that the way i see the world is seriously off from the rest of the world is weird.
the one lesson i took away from girl, interrupted is that while we may be all crazy on the inside, we also control the volume we let that crazynesss have. and i was rather comfortable thinking that about 80% of the time, i get my volume adjusted to a healthy setting. like, i still overreact a bit, and am prolly oversensitive in certain situations - but even then, a voice in my head reminds me that in the grand scheme of life, most things i'm dealing with are just a bumps along the road. and to be told that even with this knowledge, i'm way into an 'off' section of the continuum is weird.
and in a way, maybe right now isn't the best time for me to hear that. due to stuff that's been going on in my head, i've felt really bland and uninteresting and boring for a while now. and i remember my (lasting) depression and the teenage angst that coursed through that... and i know now that its all nothing - that everything passes - but i miss the fact that feeling how i felt made me feel like an individual. like i was going though something, something important. and now i know that was horseshit. that i was just like thousands of other teens who were less then happy with their family & social situations. so the part of me that has been contrasting that feeling of being unique with the concept of continuums - where we should all strive to reach a middle point of healthiness, wants to grasp tight to this one uniqueness left in me, to cling to it and wallow in it. (and yes, i do get the irony, that just like there's thousands of angsty teens, there's thousands of people who overreact and overanalyze)

but, people have arrived. enjoy my buzzzzed musings