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Nov. 5th, 2002 04:02 pmso i guess the past week has been about reconnecting with old OC friends. liz sent a mass email last night, with a brief description of the past year+ of her life, and mentioning that she's with her mother, and will be leaving there that night.
i literally jumped over to the shelf where my old addressbook is, dug out her old number, crossed my fingers and called.
we spent over an hour and a half on the phone : )
it felt really good to catch up, to hear her be very comfortable with where she is in life, and to be excited about her future.
it was great to hear that she was excited to hear from me; i was worried there would be some resentment.
since then, i emailed her an LJ code, so, with all luck, when she makes her way to texas, i'll have another person to add to my friends list : )
unfortunately, aside from that highlight to my evening, last night was pretty off.
i got home really tired for some reason and really wanted just to space out to the TV for a while.
unfortunately, the atmosphere in the living room wasn't conducive to that and i retreated back to my room, popping in and out for a while.
it ended up being 8 before i left for blockbuster to rent bladerunner, and almost 9 before i popped it in.
and i dozed off for a part of the movie, too.
after that, i went to my room, talked to liz, read through what classmates had done for the assignment and just went to bed - i didn't feel up to rewatching a part of the movie and writing up the discussion topic. i should really do that tonight. along with going to visit someone in a hospital and hopefully tidying my room a bit.
and ugh. i feel like SAD is setting in. the balance between motivation vs. anxiety over stuff i need to do is way skewed, i feel like i'm hanging on by mere threads and i have a feeling just how sleepy i've been lately is a part of it, too.
i really need to take st. john's wort more regularly and give thought to what i want to do about vitamins. basically, a dr i saw a few years ago thought that i have issues absorbing vitamins i ingest. so, instead, he gave me spray vitamins that absorb right into the bloodstream. but, they're long gone. finding more it tricky, and they're expensive. but, why spend money and effort on pill vitamins is they may not be doing anything for me?
depression is an evil cycle for me. it makes me feel very needy, which in turn makes me resentful of feeling needy and retreat from people out of fear of coming of as (more) needy (then i usually am). who wants to hang around a depressed person anyways? ..its basically just a deeper pit of social ineptitude then what/how i am normally and i hate seeing it set in. i hate not knowing where the line is between my perception issues and reality.
but, i'm supposed to think happy thoughts, right?
happy thoughts are definitely the upcoming trip to SD, seeing her and the other OC people. it feels very good to be reconnecting with them.
i'm almost curious if i'll be an oversentimental blob and drive past our old house. then again, i'd love to see another sunset from that view.
i literally jumped over to the shelf where my old addressbook is, dug out her old number, crossed my fingers and called.
we spent over an hour and a half on the phone : )
it felt really good to catch up, to hear her be very comfortable with where she is in life, and to be excited about her future.
it was great to hear that she was excited to hear from me; i was worried there would be some resentment.
since then, i emailed her an LJ code, so, with all luck, when she makes her way to texas, i'll have another person to add to my friends list : )
unfortunately, aside from that highlight to my evening, last night was pretty off.
i got home really tired for some reason and really wanted just to space out to the TV for a while.
unfortunately, the atmosphere in the living room wasn't conducive to that and i retreated back to my room, popping in and out for a while.
it ended up being 8 before i left for blockbuster to rent bladerunner, and almost 9 before i popped it in.
and i dozed off for a part of the movie, too.
after that, i went to my room, talked to liz, read through what classmates had done for the assignment and just went to bed - i didn't feel up to rewatching a part of the movie and writing up the discussion topic. i should really do that tonight. along with going to visit someone in a hospital and hopefully tidying my room a bit.
and ugh. i feel like SAD is setting in. the balance between motivation vs. anxiety over stuff i need to do is way skewed, i feel like i'm hanging on by mere threads and i have a feeling just how sleepy i've been lately is a part of it, too.
i really need to take st. john's wort more regularly and give thought to what i want to do about vitamins. basically, a dr i saw a few years ago thought that i have issues absorbing vitamins i ingest. so, instead, he gave me spray vitamins that absorb right into the bloodstream. but, they're long gone. finding more it tricky, and they're expensive. but, why spend money and effort on pill vitamins is they may not be doing anything for me?
depression is an evil cycle for me. it makes me feel very needy, which in turn makes me resentful of feeling needy and retreat from people out of fear of coming of as (more) needy (then i usually am). who wants to hang around a depressed person anyways? ..its basically just a deeper pit of social ineptitude then what/how i am normally and i hate seeing it set in. i hate not knowing where the line is between my perception issues and reality.
but, i'm supposed to think happy thoughts, right?
happy thoughts are definitely the upcoming trip to SD, seeing her and the other OC people. it feels very good to be reconnecting with them.
i'm almost curious if i'll be an oversentimental blob and drive past our old house. then again, i'd love to see another sunset from that view.
