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May. 1st, 2003 12:34 pmthree years ago today i was in a lot of pain and recounted my first beltane, which was an experience i've obviously wanted to repeat ever since. i'm still a little bummed i can't go this year, though i'm also curious if the celebration will beat the weather again.
a year ago today i posted a may day card my stepdad sent me. i was broke, but not in debt (as i am now), it was the day of the nick cave concert, i was looking forward to beltane weekend, but it having been may day hadn't sunk in yet.
looking outside right now, its not sinking in very well, but then again, i'm also still very groggy.
my father and i haven't spoken in close to three years. i'm glad of that, but i've noticed that i go through stages when i think about him more... it doesn't really bother me, just leaves me curious - curious if there's some way i could spy on him unobtrusively, without having him in my life, curious if he ever thinks about me.
actually - i just realized whats brought him up to me - his family comes from the shadier walks of life, and i remember him telling me, in a bemused tone, that one of my great-great-grandfathers was a rabbi, implying that somehow the family wasn't all bad. but then in class, we learned that being a rabbi was never a prestigious position, and there was a time in russian history when the czar of the time tried to regulate rabbinical education. the result of that was that there would be two rabbis per village - one that was state "certified" and handled government relations, and another who would be a rabbi for the people. it made me really curious if my ancestor was one of the state-certified, shady, rabbis.
of course, the next tangent is that of white cars. there's never been any significant number of white cars in my life, and then there were some that made an impression on me - someone he gave me issues over drove a white car, and for years, whenever i saw a white car, a part of me would glance over it, checking if it was her. then, my father and i severed ties, and for the longest time, i'd eye any white caddie i saw on the road, watching to see if he is inside. him driving a white car helps with that - it gives me a different association for white cars, and i've stopped watching them over the past year or so, for the most part.
speaking of parents, i decided not to get my mom a mother's day/birthday present. in my family, its not expected that kids get gifts for their parents, the last present i got her has sat mostly unworn for over two years, and she's enough of a shopaholic that she buys the things that she wants for herself. in a lot of ways, i feel bad about the decision, but my financial situation is very bleak right now, and i know she'd prefer i not spend the extra money.
and i've had two cups of tea, and can definitely feel some effects of may day. the pre-flight giddyness hasn't set in yet, but i am looking forward to take-off (i totally love take-off and landings... now, if only the time at the airport before and after and the time inbetween could be cut out...)
when i was in amsterdam, i almost bought a seater-hammock. they were extremely comfortable, looked nifty and cost only $70 euros, including all the necessary bars. although i don't regret having been frugal, i'd love to be in one right now.
and its getting closer and closer to jetting time... wheeeee!!!
a year ago today i posted a may day card my stepdad sent me. i was broke, but not in debt (as i am now), it was the day of the nick cave concert, i was looking forward to beltane weekend, but it having been may day hadn't sunk in yet.
looking outside right now, its not sinking in very well, but then again, i'm also still very groggy.
my father and i haven't spoken in close to three years. i'm glad of that, but i've noticed that i go through stages when i think about him more... it doesn't really bother me, just leaves me curious - curious if there's some way i could spy on him unobtrusively, without having him in my life, curious if he ever thinks about me.
actually - i just realized whats brought him up to me - his family comes from the shadier walks of life, and i remember him telling me, in a bemused tone, that one of my great-great-grandfathers was a rabbi, implying that somehow the family wasn't all bad. but then in class, we learned that being a rabbi was never a prestigious position, and there was a time in russian history when the czar of the time tried to regulate rabbinical education. the result of that was that there would be two rabbis per village - one that was state "certified" and handled government relations, and another who would be a rabbi for the people. it made me really curious if my ancestor was one of the state-certified, shady, rabbis.
of course, the next tangent is that of white cars. there's never been any significant number of white cars in my life, and then there were some that made an impression on me - someone he gave me issues over drove a white car, and for years, whenever i saw a white car, a part of me would glance over it, checking if it was her. then, my father and i severed ties, and for the longest time, i'd eye any white caddie i saw on the road, watching to see if he is inside. him driving a white car helps with that - it gives me a different association for white cars, and i've stopped watching them over the past year or so, for the most part.
speaking of parents, i decided not to get my mom a mother's day/birthday present. in my family, its not expected that kids get gifts for their parents, the last present i got her has sat mostly unworn for over two years, and she's enough of a shopaholic that she buys the things that she wants for herself. in a lot of ways, i feel bad about the decision, but my financial situation is very bleak right now, and i know she'd prefer i not spend the extra money.
and i've had two cups of tea, and can definitely feel some effects of may day. the pre-flight giddyness hasn't set in yet, but i am looking forward to take-off (i totally love take-off and landings... now, if only the time at the airport before and after and the time inbetween could be cut out...)
when i was in amsterdam, i almost bought a seater-hammock. they were extremely comfortable, looked nifty and cost only $70 euros, including all the necessary bars. although i don't regret having been frugal, i'd love to be in one right now.
and its getting closer and closer to jetting time... wheeeee!!!
