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elvendollso its now past 5...
and i haven't really done anything all day...
i was supposed to go out for 2 o'clock, but was actually relieved when that got cancelled...
the diea of doing schoolwork terrifies me.
well, not actually that, as much as going through everything and realizing just how behind i really am...
so, i've been working on the new page instead...
i think it may actually be a project i can finish!
or... maybe... just maybe... once i finish it i could have the whatever it takes to finally make continuity!! yeah!
so i asked neil to look over what i have so far of my bio and his comment was that it seemed like i was trying to write something close and personal, but that it came out distant and impersonal.
it made sense.
to make it personal, i'd have to take my head on a mindwarp to the days of 'back when..'.. but even getting near there makes me feel scared and somewhat nautious.
i am really far from who i was in junior high and high school, and tend to think i am much (mentally) healthier now, so trying to go back there really does odd things to me...
so i will probably try to revise it a bit - work from the inside out, as one of my professors taught us, but i don't know just how far i will get.
and speaking of my past, when visiting my family, last weekend, i was talking to my mom about when we were in russia... and i found it somewhat disheartening that my mom remembers as much, and sometimes less, then i do from my childhood.
like i remember having school second session one year (the schools were overcrowded, so some school had 2 sessions rather then doubling class size), but that was a memory of mine, and my mom was no help in figuring out which year that was (and i only got to 3rd grade there!).
it was odd... made me remember how i kept wanting my mom to take me to the 'lunapark', which was when all these carnival things were put out in gorky park, and she kept telling me she would and bailing out.
i mean, i don't remember being upset with her on any particular occasion, it was just this constant irritation to me that she hadn't yet, made just a bit more bitter as all the other kids would come back from it with all these nifty toys and foreign gum...
c'est la vie.
and now i am hungry... but don't feel like cooking : /
and don't have the money to eat out, nor the otivation to goout doors, really...
which is kinda funny because just a few minutes ago i was thinking about all the stuff that i wanted to do before fall really sinks in like going to six flags one last time, and... and.. well, i had some place else in mind, too, damnit!
oh well...
and i haven't really done anything all day...
i was supposed to go out for 2 o'clock, but was actually relieved when that got cancelled...
the diea of doing schoolwork terrifies me.
well, not actually that, as much as going through everything and realizing just how behind i really am...
so, i've been working on the new page instead...
i think it may actually be a project i can finish!
or... maybe... just maybe... once i finish it i could have the whatever it takes to finally make continuity!! yeah!
so i asked neil to look over what i have so far of my bio and his comment was that it seemed like i was trying to write something close and personal, but that it came out distant and impersonal.
it made sense.
to make it personal, i'd have to take my head on a mindwarp to the days of 'back when..'.. but even getting near there makes me feel scared and somewhat nautious.
i am really far from who i was in junior high and high school, and tend to think i am much (mentally) healthier now, so trying to go back there really does odd things to me...
so i will probably try to revise it a bit - work from the inside out, as one of my professors taught us, but i don't know just how far i will get.
and speaking of my past, when visiting my family, last weekend, i was talking to my mom about when we were in russia... and i found it somewhat disheartening that my mom remembers as much, and sometimes less, then i do from my childhood.
like i remember having school second session one year (the schools were overcrowded, so some school had 2 sessions rather then doubling class size), but that was a memory of mine, and my mom was no help in figuring out which year that was (and i only got to 3rd grade there!).
it was odd... made me remember how i kept wanting my mom to take me to the 'lunapark', which was when all these carnival things were put out in gorky park, and she kept telling me she would and bailing out.
i mean, i don't remember being upset with her on any particular occasion, it was just this constant irritation to me that she hadn't yet, made just a bit more bitter as all the other kids would come back from it with all these nifty toys and foreign gum...
c'est la vie.
and now i am hungry... but don't feel like cooking : /
and don't have the money to eat out, nor the otivation to goout doors, really...
which is kinda funny because just a few minutes ago i was thinking about all the stuff that i wanted to do before fall really sinks in like going to six flags one last time, and... and.. well, i had some place else in mind, too, damnit!
oh well...
