i'm back...
Dec. 4th, 2002 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolltwo years ago today i was unemployed and feeling sick. scuba had just moved out, matty had moved in & bill was being sweet. its hard to believe its been two years already, and that its only been two years, all at the same time.
a year ago today i was in a pretty lousy mood. i'd also just decided to go to jamaica, found a cool book at work, and talked about stuff i still haven't resolved *sigh*
being back is weird.
i definately don't want to be back.
i don't even want to go into it.
and all my reactions from the (extended) weekend are so jumbled together.
there's big stuff - like how being on the west coast makes me feel... how spending time with kira & her mom just felt like a warp back into the "good old days", when i probably spent as much of my weekends/breaks at their house as my own. and little stuff, like how seeing the old house nearly made me cry, and made me feel angry that i'm not living there, not 16, anymore. or seeing how laura hasn't changed a bit through the years (although, amusingly enough, i'm now taller then she is)...
i wonder if i can make any sense of it if i tried...
thursday i landed a bit cranky.
i'd stayed up all night and had a lousy time trying to sleep on the plane. i zonked out right away, but kept waking up, being super uncomfortable, cold and having a hard time falling back asleep.
she met me at the airport, we grabbed my bag and went to her mom's house...
after getting a cup of coffee, cheese & crackers, some other snacks and a beer, i decided that what i really wanted was a shower and a walk. my shower was vetoes, and kira and i went out for a little bit... much less then i'd hoped, because i ended up needing to go to the bathroom.
when we got back, it was time to shower and get ready for dinner.
dinner itself was good.
eh.
its just not happening.
i just really want to wake up and have the last 7 years be one bad dream thats now over.
i didn't think going there would have this effect on me, and it will lessen as pms wears down and time goes by, but for now... well...
and i didn't sleep well last night. between being cold, being sensitive to some light trickling into my room, having a stuffed up nose and not being sleepy, it just wasn't the pleasant night back i expected.
then again, i epxected to be sleeping on an uncomofrtable couch there, and that hadn't happened, so i guess its a fair trade.
and i'm less then thrilled about being so negative this morning, but...
a year ago today i was in a pretty lousy mood. i'd also just decided to go to jamaica, found a cool book at work, and talked about stuff i still haven't resolved *sigh*
being back is weird.
i definately don't want to be back.
i don't even want to go into it.
and all my reactions from the (extended) weekend are so jumbled together.
there's big stuff - like how being on the west coast makes me feel... how spending time with kira & her mom just felt like a warp back into the "good old days", when i probably spent as much of my weekends/breaks at their house as my own. and little stuff, like how seeing the old house nearly made me cry, and made me feel angry that i'm not living there, not 16, anymore. or seeing how laura hasn't changed a bit through the years (although, amusingly enough, i'm now taller then she is)...
i wonder if i can make any sense of it if i tried...
thursday i landed a bit cranky.
i'd stayed up all night and had a lousy time trying to sleep on the plane. i zonked out right away, but kept waking up, being super uncomfortable, cold and having a hard time falling back asleep.
she met me at the airport, we grabbed my bag and went to her mom's house...
after getting a cup of coffee, cheese & crackers, some other snacks and a beer, i decided that what i really wanted was a shower and a walk. my shower was vetoes, and kira and i went out for a little bit... much less then i'd hoped, because i ended up needing to go to the bathroom.
when we got back, it was time to shower and get ready for dinner.
dinner itself was good.
eh.
its just not happening.
i just really want to wake up and have the last 7 years be one bad dream thats now over.
i didn't think going there would have this effect on me, and it will lessen as pms wears down and time goes by, but for now... well...
and i didn't sleep well last night. between being cold, being sensitive to some light trickling into my room, having a stuffed up nose and not being sleepy, it just wasn't the pleasant night back i expected.
then again, i epxected to be sleeping on an uncomofrtable couch there, and that hadn't happened, so i guess its a fair trade.
and i'm less then thrilled about being so negative this morning, but...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
EH
Date: 2002-12-04 09:00 am (UTC)I so NEED a party that is not at MY house!!
hugs,
kate
Re: EH
Date: 2002-12-04 12:09 pm (UTC)the decision isn't final yet, but between the drive & the low signal to noise ratio for me there, staying local seems like the best option...
Re: EH
Date: 2002-12-04 12:19 pm (UTC)K