waking up?
Oct. 16th, 2000 01:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll..sipping coffee... i think i am starting to wake up...
and i just got this big burst of anger and hurt...
yeah, its because of school.
because i don't want to be in school this semester.
i just really don't want it.
but on the other hand, i think that my family is right in that i don't do anything anything i don't want to do, and that its time to grow up, face the music and do what needs to be done...
and i so appreciate everything that they do for me, and think they're absolutely wondeful for it...
but i also think that its wrong to be in college and hating it, to be breezing through just to get a passing grade and a degree...
and i absolutely hate being broke and constantly stressed by homework...
so here i am sitting, wallowing at the anger at myself for taking on this responisbility, angry at my family because if i turn to them now and say that i want to drop my classes they will be (very rightfully) hurt and angry, and angry at myself for letting my lack of willpower let me get that behind in school...
and there is no easy way out. i know that.
and i just got this big burst of anger and hurt...
yeah, its because of school.
because i don't want to be in school this semester.
i just really don't want it.
but on the other hand, i think that my family is right in that i don't do anything anything i don't want to do, and that its time to grow up, face the music and do what needs to be done...
and i so appreciate everything that they do for me, and think they're absolutely wondeful for it...
but i also think that its wrong to be in college and hating it, to be breezing through just to get a passing grade and a degree...
and i absolutely hate being broke and constantly stressed by homework...
so here i am sitting, wallowing at the anger at myself for taking on this responisbility, angry at my family because if i turn to them now and say that i want to drop my classes they will be (very rightfully) hurt and angry, and angry at myself for letting my lack of willpower let me get that behind in school...
and there is no easy way out. i know that.
