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Jan. 17th, 2003 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolli had a weird dream overnight.
the dream included a prophetic penguin that was getting negative propaganda, army-like people with little penguin heads, an interrupted threesome (i interrupted), him with his shirt off and b-cup boobs and other randomness.
i slept on the couch overnight, and it was incredibly fulfilling to be able to raise a bodypart out from under the blankets and not cringe at the change in temperature.
the couch wasn't 100% comfortable, but the heat made it more comfortable then my room would have been. soon, i need to see if either of my roomates will be home today and call the landlord.
class was decent last night. after discussion, we watched some of skin deep, but didn't finish it, which meant no HW assignment overnight.
i decided cabin fever was kicking in & that i want to enjoy some of my time, so after i got home and spent some time putzing around online, he and i set out to go out for a drink. after looking in and finding out first two choices overcrowded, we ended up at the middle east. i had pumpkin kibby with maudite, and then some of adam's beer, and it was really good to be out like that, especially after the heavier isntruments of the band tapered off & there was jazz in the background.
for the longest time, i attributed the problems i had with my mother while growing up to have been caused by the fact that my grandparents did most of my upbringing until i was 10, and that i just didn't take well to the change when it happened.
now, i'm starting to realize that while my mother is an amazing friend, she's a less then stellar mother.
i think overall, a hands off approach worked well with the kind of kid that i was - some pro-active pushing in certain directions would have been good, but for the most part, i really appreciated the extent to which i was allowed to have my own life.
unfortunately, i don't think my sisters have that type of disposition. and i don't know how to say all this to my mom and have it have the right effects.
its funny, a lot of the closeness we have now stems from the fact that i appreciated the fact that she always treated me like an adult and gave me the space associated with that. and i think that if i thought/felt that my sisters will react in a similar way when they get older, i'd prolly be less worried. but i'm afraid they'll resent her, and not allow for the friendship to grow when the time comes for that. and, they have a much larger age gap with her. the fact that so many of my friends and acquiantances remind me of my parents' circle of friends is a big part of my perception of interactions with my parents - and it will take debbie and abi much longer to get to a point like this.
and maybe i'll write more later...
the dream included a prophetic penguin that was getting negative propaganda, army-like people with little penguin heads, an interrupted threesome (i interrupted), him with his shirt off and b-cup boobs and other randomness.
i slept on the couch overnight, and it was incredibly fulfilling to be able to raise a bodypart out from under the blankets and not cringe at the change in temperature.
the couch wasn't 100% comfortable, but the heat made it more comfortable then my room would have been. soon, i need to see if either of my roomates will be home today and call the landlord.
class was decent last night. after discussion, we watched some of skin deep, but didn't finish it, which meant no HW assignment overnight.
i decided cabin fever was kicking in & that i want to enjoy some of my time, so after i got home and spent some time putzing around online, he and i set out to go out for a drink. after looking in and finding out first two choices overcrowded, we ended up at the middle east. i had pumpkin kibby with maudite, and then some of adam's beer, and it was really good to be out like that, especially after the heavier isntruments of the band tapered off & there was jazz in the background.
for the longest time, i attributed the problems i had with my mother while growing up to have been caused by the fact that my grandparents did most of my upbringing until i was 10, and that i just didn't take well to the change when it happened.
now, i'm starting to realize that while my mother is an amazing friend, she's a less then stellar mother.
i think overall, a hands off approach worked well with the kind of kid that i was - some pro-active pushing in certain directions would have been good, but for the most part, i really appreciated the extent to which i was allowed to have my own life.
unfortunately, i don't think my sisters have that type of disposition. and i don't know how to say all this to my mom and have it have the right effects.
its funny, a lot of the closeness we have now stems from the fact that i appreciated the fact that she always treated me like an adult and gave me the space associated with that. and i think that if i thought/felt that my sisters will react in a similar way when they get older, i'd prolly be less worried. but i'm afraid they'll resent her, and not allow for the friendship to grow when the time comes for that. and, they have a much larger age gap with her. the fact that so many of my friends and acquiantances remind me of my parents' circle of friends is a big part of my perception of interactions with my parents - and it will take debbie and abi much longer to get to a point like this.
and maybe i'll write more later...
