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Sep. 5th, 2003 01:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollout of all the times i've gone on vacation, i've never had this hard a time readjusting to the alarmclock; both yesterday morning and today, it confused, frustrated and annoyed me in very simple "but i don't understand why it exists" ways, rather then "ug, need to get up for work" ways.
the dreams i was having around the time it rang were rather off, too... a part of it included needing to make sure that everything around me (my hair, the velvet frog, the pillow, etc) was damp with a water + vinegar combo to fight off remaining dust... a part had me in a pet store that had a black baby parrot that was twice my size, and another part involved doing some sort of chasing around a warehouse, with something akin to elaborate carts, in which my "older brother" was killed - only throughout the dream, i knew the dream would lead to him dying, and was convinced the plot came from some movie i had seen or a wonder years episode.
driving away from the playa, i heard a cover of leonard cohen's closing time and it seemed incredibly appropriate.
without any focus on that memory, i put in my leonard cohen cd as soon as i got into my car on Wednesday... only the song that got me closest to crying was so long, marianne, and though i didn't hear it again this morning, its stuck in my head right now.
speaking of songs, a song named alexandra has been one of my favorite russian songs since i was a little kid; its part of the soundtrack for moscow doesn't believe in tears and i'm sure its part of why i like the movie so much, too... yesterday, it clicked that i also really like leonard cohen's alexandra leaving and was pondering how that name has stuck to me - and then, i realized/remembered that my (only) cousin is named alexandra - and having to have 'realized' that made me feel weird.
broken day today, too.
hormones, decompression, needing to process out loud and the walls i was using to hold it all back crumbled.
i'm feeling better now, but leaving work early so i can work on feeling well enough to have a fun evening tonight... i really hate breaking, hate breaking on others even more, and hate breaking on others while at work the most. now that my period should be totally regular, i should really think about ways to both sequester myself away during the rough days and ways to shift life so that minimal emotionally charged stuff happens right before and on the rough days.
the dreams i was having around the time it rang were rather off, too... a part of it included needing to make sure that everything around me (my hair, the velvet frog, the pillow, etc) was damp with a water + vinegar combo to fight off remaining dust... a part had me in a pet store that had a black baby parrot that was twice my size, and another part involved doing some sort of chasing around a warehouse, with something akin to elaborate carts, in which my "older brother" was killed - only throughout the dream, i knew the dream would lead to him dying, and was convinced the plot came from some movie i had seen or a wonder years episode.
driving away from the playa, i heard a cover of leonard cohen's closing time and it seemed incredibly appropriate.
without any focus on that memory, i put in my leonard cohen cd as soon as i got into my car on Wednesday... only the song that got me closest to crying was so long, marianne, and though i didn't hear it again this morning, its stuck in my head right now.
speaking of songs, a song named alexandra has been one of my favorite russian songs since i was a little kid; its part of the soundtrack for moscow doesn't believe in tears and i'm sure its part of why i like the movie so much, too... yesterday, it clicked that i also really like leonard cohen's alexandra leaving and was pondering how that name has stuck to me - and then, i realized/remembered that my (only) cousin is named alexandra - and having to have 'realized' that made me feel weird.
broken day today, too.
hormones, decompression, needing to process out loud and the walls i was using to hold it all back crumbled.
i'm feeling better now, but leaving work early so i can work on feeling well enough to have a fun evening tonight... i really hate breaking, hate breaking on others even more, and hate breaking on others while at work the most. now that my period should be totally regular, i should really think about ways to both sequester myself away during the rough days and ways to shift life so that minimal emotionally charged stuff happens right before and on the rough days.
