(no subject)
Nov. 10th, 2003 03:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolli've been feeling very withdrawn, isolated and distanced ... well, always.
but i go through stages of breaking out of that, and i'm feeling myself be distinctly not there right now.
right now, its most acute in commenting to lj. over the past couple of months, there's been entries i've felt a draw to respond to, people i wanted to congratulate or offer sympathy... and i don't. because i hate feeling redundant, because i hate pushing myself into other people's space, because i feel like i'm already too distanced to reach out.
like i told![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sol3, anything bad in my head is a loop. and i always seem to lose with this one, partially because i really don't know where the lines are.
i'm feeling like i'm getting my boundaries pushed, too.
something happened that was making me uncomfortable... and i knew there was no good way to bow out, so i pushed it to the back of my head and followed the situation to its close... and right now, that feels like a good description of how i feel overall - only my life isn't that bad, there's some really great people and things in it.
i am starting to flip out over the house situation.
obviously, we need a steady source of rent/bills...
the idea of a total stranger moving in is feeling very uncomfortable right now. i know that in theory, we could acquire a great roommate... but the idea of stranger doesn't mesh well with home for me right now.
overall, life is feeling like the calm before the storm.
i can see a work-storm brewing, and the school-storm is no surprise. and all i want to do is run, find shelter and hide until it all passes.
but i go through stages of breaking out of that, and i'm feeling myself be distinctly not there right now.
right now, its most acute in commenting to lj. over the past couple of months, there's been entries i've felt a draw to respond to, people i wanted to congratulate or offer sympathy... and i don't. because i hate feeling redundant, because i hate pushing myself into other people's space, because i feel like i'm already too distanced to reach out.
like i told
sol3, anything bad in my head is a loop. and i always seem to lose with this one, partially because i really don't know where the lines are.i'm feeling like i'm getting my boundaries pushed, too.
something happened that was making me uncomfortable... and i knew there was no good way to bow out, so i pushed it to the back of my head and followed the situation to its close... and right now, that feels like a good description of how i feel overall - only my life isn't that bad, there's some really great people and things in it.
i am starting to flip out over the house situation.
obviously, we need a steady source of rent/bills...
the idea of a total stranger moving in is feeling very uncomfortable right now. i know that in theory, we could acquire a great roommate... but the idea of stranger doesn't mesh well with home for me right now.
overall, life is feeling like the calm before the storm.
i can see a work-storm brewing, and the school-storm is no surprise. and all i want to do is run, find shelter and hide until it all passes.
