the neverending wonders of google...
Jan. 8th, 2004 12:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollsometime last week, i found out my cousin is engaged.
in some ways, i'm surprised.
from what i knew about her, she was the kind of girl that came home from college just about every weekend. i always wondered whether/when such news would come, how i would hear about it and whether i'd be invited.
finding out via google is somewhat appropriate, although now i'm curious if my mother knows from a distanced family connection (i keep forgetting to ask)
but, then again, i go out of my way to make my real name scarce online (if you know it and are bored, try using the web to find any info that leads to contact info for me, i'd be surprised if anyone manages it), so the only way they'd have any way to get in touch with me is if they (a) ask my father and (b) he hasn't discarded the information.
and of course, a part of me feels guilty because i was very stupid when handling my cousin's last attempt to reach out to me (which was about 5 years ago).
its scary to admit it, but i'm sad i won't be there.
i'm the twisted kind of person that likes big family gatherings.
on my mother's side of the family, family gatherings are big, full of everyone focussing on being happy to see so many people all at once and sprinkling alcohol on that very liberally. gatherings like that let me see everyone for just a few minutes, see them in good spirits, and then go back to my life.
of course, odds are, if i were to go, i'd need to see my father and stepmother, which i don't want. the "gentle giant" can rot until he realizes what a pisspoor father he was to me.
every once in a while, i debate getting in touch with my cousin, but two things hold me back - she leads a very normal lifestyle, and probably not accept/like who i am, which would make my effort pointless, and even if she did, i don't have time/energy to invest into a relationship like that; my grandmother's cousin loves me as much as a grandmother would, and i have a hard time seeing her more then two or three times a year, so why do i want another relationship that i'm feeling stretched too thin by?
i guess the bottom line is that i'm a sentimental fool and broken familial ties will always make me sad, even if it is for the best.
speaking of my grandmother's cousin, it seems that she's cemented her mess without waiting for help from me. she quit her job, but luckily had the sense to also take her house off the market. the problem is that she has a very hard time finding work, and i think having quit this job before finding another is going to hurt her a lot. on top of that, her and her husband are on perpetually strained terms and they don't share money - having to depend on him won't do anything to help her mental state or ability to keep things in perspective.
in some ways, i'm surprised.
from what i knew about her, she was the kind of girl that came home from college just about every weekend. i always wondered whether/when such news would come, how i would hear about it and whether i'd be invited.
finding out via google is somewhat appropriate, although now i'm curious if my mother knows from a distanced family connection (i keep forgetting to ask)
but, then again, i go out of my way to make my real name scarce online (if you know it and are bored, try using the web to find any info that leads to contact info for me, i'd be surprised if anyone manages it), so the only way they'd have any way to get in touch with me is if they (a) ask my father and (b) he hasn't discarded the information.
and of course, a part of me feels guilty because i was very stupid when handling my cousin's last attempt to reach out to me (which was about 5 years ago).
its scary to admit it, but i'm sad i won't be there.
i'm the twisted kind of person that likes big family gatherings.
on my mother's side of the family, family gatherings are big, full of everyone focussing on being happy to see so many people all at once and sprinkling alcohol on that very liberally. gatherings like that let me see everyone for just a few minutes, see them in good spirits, and then go back to my life.
of course, odds are, if i were to go, i'd need to see my father and stepmother, which i don't want. the "gentle giant" can rot until he realizes what a pisspoor father he was to me.
every once in a while, i debate getting in touch with my cousin, but two things hold me back - she leads a very normal lifestyle, and probably not accept/like who i am, which would make my effort pointless, and even if she did, i don't have time/energy to invest into a relationship like that; my grandmother's cousin loves me as much as a grandmother would, and i have a hard time seeing her more then two or three times a year, so why do i want another relationship that i'm feeling stretched too thin by?
i guess the bottom line is that i'm a sentimental fool and broken familial ties will always make me sad, even if it is for the best.
speaking of my grandmother's cousin, it seems that she's cemented her mess without waiting for help from me. she quit her job, but luckily had the sense to also take her house off the market. the problem is that she has a very hard time finding work, and i think having quit this job before finding another is going to hurt her a lot. on top of that, her and her husband are on perpetually strained terms and they don't share money - having to depend on him won't do anything to help her mental state or ability to keep things in perspective.
