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(no subject)
ugh.
i hate waiting up.
it makes me feel all tense and worried when i know i shouldn't be.
he's just a bit over half hour late... and he's not the one driving...
i just know that if i try to go to bed i'll either not be able to fall asleep, or be that much more hurt/angry when i wake up.
i keep telling myself that everything is fine... they're just out for drinks, and k. has a friend working at the place, so its prolly just her waiting for her friend to get off shift... but in the back of my head are horrible memories of waiting up till down, paging & not getting called back and then excuses in the (late) morning.
and thats not fair to bill.
in an ideal world, past scars shouldn't open up.
with a saner yulia, past scars wouldn't be so quick to open for someone who has been so good to me...
why can't emotions have an off button???
i hate waiting up.
it makes me feel all tense and worried when i know i shouldn't be.
he's just a bit over half hour late... and he's not the one driving...
i just know that if i try to go to bed i'll either not be able to fall asleep, or be that much more hurt/angry when i wake up.
i keep telling myself that everything is fine... they're just out for drinks, and k. has a friend working at the place, so its prolly just her waiting for her friend to get off shift... but in the back of my head are horrible memories of waiting up till down, paging & not getting called back and then excuses in the (late) morning.
and thats not fair to bill.
in an ideal world, past scars shouldn't open up.
with a saner yulia, past scars wouldn't be so quick to open for someone who has been so good to me...
why can't emotions have an off button???