(no subject)

[elvendoll]

today's major realization is figuring out how, in my head, maintaining hyper-awareness and a high level of guard around certain boundaries works as a side-effect of my trust issues: if i am holding up a wall, i'm in control of the boundaries of the possibilities, and don't need to trust others not to hurt me because they're shut out from having the ability to.
the first problem, though, is that i've been so used to holding up these walls for so long, i've been doubting whether these walls are placed at where my boundaries actually are. i've been thinking about how to experiment with that, but until now, it didn't click that in order to move them around, i have to learn how to trust other people again, because blaming myself for any and all vulnerability isn't conducive to being open.
the second problem is that these boundaries lead me to pigeon-holing people, and i'm not very happy with that.

and it feels like i've just found the tip of an iceberg; this is going to take a while to process in full before i can even think of acting.

Comments

[sweetbaboo.livejournal.com]

wow, that's tough. I don't have anything useful to add, besides good luck.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

thank you