(no subject)
Nov. 3rd, 2004 10:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollsomewhere between SAD, menstruation and the election results, i'm feeling like i'd spent the night (well, at least 4 hours of it) crying instead of sleeping. actually, i've been feeling like crap, physically as well as emotionally, for well over a week.
i've had more work to do then time to do it for weeks now, and i've been keeping the panic behind a wall. the good news is that i haven't quite snapped yet, but the bad news is that without the adrenaline of panic mode and with the extra sluggishness of SAD, i keep falling further and further behind. i'm not sure what miracle(s) could save my ass now.
in a scary way, i'm almost hoping the SAD is in its full-blown state at the moment, because i can't quite fathom it getting worse. as usual, i try to be in denial about it, try not to think or feel like it's got me gripped and then i have one of those thoughts, one of those y'know, getting into an accident and dying now wouldn't be so bad thoughts and then there's little denying it.
i do have one thing i am going to try. i am going to ask my psych professor for an incomplete, and a chance to take the class overin spring. as it is, i was having doubts about being able to afford a spring course, so shifting this may not blow my timeline too much, and feeling less overwhelmed would be incredibly good. meanwhile, i'd finish up the sociology course early and get an a, which should be more helpful and empowering then stressful. unfortunately, the professor is a hardass and may not say yes : /
and, despite all this crap, there have been good things. namely, the halloween party, which, despite being smaller and mellower then i had hoped/anticipated, felt fairly chill anyway, and the the random near-binge drinking on Monday night.
times like this, i don't know how i make it through this stuff - i just have to kinda trust that i will because i have in the past.
another frustrating part is that i have ideas on what could make things a little better, but no good way to implement them. most of it lies in what happens when i first get home - it takes me way too long to get productive in the evenings, if i get there at all. i know that scheduling that time, and possibly doing some yoga every night, would really help - but, especially when i'm feeling off, i have such a hard time deciding on and making dinner in a timely fashion that i don't know how that can be structured.
tonight, i'm going to get window-plastic stuffs, so that at least the house will be warm soon.
i've had more work to do then time to do it for weeks now, and i've been keeping the panic behind a wall. the good news is that i haven't quite snapped yet, but the bad news is that without the adrenaline of panic mode and with the extra sluggishness of SAD, i keep falling further and further behind. i'm not sure what miracle(s) could save my ass now.
in a scary way, i'm almost hoping the SAD is in its full-blown state at the moment, because i can't quite fathom it getting worse. as usual, i try to be in denial about it, try not to think or feel like it's got me gripped and then i have one of those thoughts, one of those y'know, getting into an accident and dying now wouldn't be so bad thoughts and then there's little denying it.
i do have one thing i am going to try. i am going to ask my psych professor for an incomplete, and a chance to take the class overin spring. as it is, i was having doubts about being able to afford a spring course, so shifting this may not blow my timeline too much, and feeling less overwhelmed would be incredibly good. meanwhile, i'd finish up the sociology course early and get an a, which should be more helpful and empowering then stressful. unfortunately, the professor is a hardass and may not say yes : /
and, despite all this crap, there have been good things. namely, the halloween party, which, despite being smaller and mellower then i had hoped/anticipated, felt fairly chill anyway, and the the random near-binge drinking on Monday night.
times like this, i don't know how i make it through this stuff - i just have to kinda trust that i will because i have in the past.
another frustrating part is that i have ideas on what could make things a little better, but no good way to implement them. most of it lies in what happens when i first get home - it takes me way too long to get productive in the evenings, if i get there at all. i know that scheduling that time, and possibly doing some yoga every night, would really help - but, especially when i'm feeling off, i have such a hard time deciding on and making dinner in a timely fashion that i don't know how that can be structured.
tonight, i'm going to get window-plastic stuffs, so that at least the house will be warm soon.
