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Nov. 13th, 2004 08:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollthere's a fine line between trust and expectation, isn't there?
whatever my next trip is is usually a cornerstone of my sanity - the next break/escape, the next burst of being me unburdened by the daily bullshit.
normally, though, i reign in my giddyness. to me, part of allowing myself to feel giddy involves forming expectations, and that comes close to creating a situation where life happens to me, vs. me actively steering it. so, i reign in the giddyness with the resolve to make what i can of the adventure, preparing myself that it might take some hard work.
with this next trip, though, i'm pretty giddy. and it isn't expectations - sure, i have hopes, but i don't have any specific expectations of anything beyond 4+ days with k. somewhere between the fact that just being near him makes me beam and the trust i have for him, there's nothing in me to hold back the giddyness. and right now, it's making me very happy.
so, ummm, yeah - 12 days!
on another note, i've realized that weekend mornings aren't really weekend mornings without roommates around. i'm not sure i can explain it in a way that makes sense, but part of what makes weekend mornings with someone extra special is the hiding in the bedroom after waking up, but before facing the world. if there's no world to face outside the bedroom door, it's a little different.
and on another note, i had a successful food experiment today. i made my very first casserole (potatoes au gratin) by guesstimating what i'd need to do after reading a couple of recipes online and it came out to be very edible. of course this might also be the wrong kind of reinforcement, as i've yet to make a dish by following a recipe (unless instructions on pasta roni boxes count!)
whatever my next trip is is usually a cornerstone of my sanity - the next break/escape, the next burst of being me unburdened by the daily bullshit.
normally, though, i reign in my giddyness. to me, part of allowing myself to feel giddy involves forming expectations, and that comes close to creating a situation where life happens to me, vs. me actively steering it. so, i reign in the giddyness with the resolve to make what i can of the adventure, preparing myself that it might take some hard work.
with this next trip, though, i'm pretty giddy. and it isn't expectations - sure, i have hopes, but i don't have any specific expectations of anything beyond 4+ days with k. somewhere between the fact that just being near him makes me beam and the trust i have for him, there's nothing in me to hold back the giddyness. and right now, it's making me very happy.
so, ummm, yeah - 12 days!
on another note, i've realized that weekend mornings aren't really weekend mornings without roommates around. i'm not sure i can explain it in a way that makes sense, but part of what makes weekend mornings with someone extra special is the hiding in the bedroom after waking up, but before facing the world. if there's no world to face outside the bedroom door, it's a little different.
and on another note, i had a successful food experiment today. i made my very first casserole (potatoes au gratin) by guesstimating what i'd need to do after reading a couple of recipes online and it came out to be very edible. of course this might also be the wrong kind of reinforcement, as i've yet to make a dish by following a recipe (unless instructions on pasta roni boxes count!)
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Date: 2004-11-14 03:41 pm (UTC)Technically they do, but why dicker over convention?
no subject
Date: 2004-11-14 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-14 11:02 pm (UTC)basically, i'd be content spending 4+ days just snuggling with him - which means that there's very little room for my time there to be anything but great.