i should be sleeping...
Nov. 28th, 2000 03:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll...but i just got in from deli haus.
it was good in some ways... felt like old times and such...
*lol* something aboutt he combination of good vibes, and bad vibes very close by... or maybe that isn't funny?
yeah, i haven't updated in a bit.
i just hadn't felt like sharing.
my days have been swinging from average into disdainful and back in odd intervals... that, and the fact that my body is starting to play odd tricks on me isn't helpful.
c'est la vie, though, worse things happen.
overall, i should be grateful that i'm not feeling anywhere as bad as i was a month and a half ago... though hard winter hitting still terrifies me.
had an interview today... i am afraid to decide whether or not i think it went well... i just have my fingers crossed, in a big way.
there's so many things that i have going through my head right now... but so few of them are actually concrete... more like shadows of thoughts... can't even begin to get them out in writing..
had an interesting thought today - more like a more direct sumnation of a previously fuzzy idea:
i hate it when people aggravate me to the point where i become spiteful.
because on the whole, i can tolerate and excuse a whole bunch as far as other people's behavior... but then some poeple reach that point, that point where i can't take another ounce more, where even their presence becomes aggravating.
and i will admit that once a person has gotten to that point once, its a lot easier for them to end up there again... but damnit... why do people have to suck?? or better yet - why do people who suck not disappear??
*sigh*
i just hate being angry and spiteful.
and the majority of the time, there isn't much that brings those extremes out. but when they do come out, it makes me miserable.
sometimes i wish i was one of those people that really lashed out in anger... it seems like it would be such an easy way to purge of those emotionas... but yet even while i refuse to be two-faced, i can't be rude to other people... its just not in me... and damnit, sometimes it just hurts : (
and yeah, at times like this, prescription meds sound tempting.
because for all the walls i know how to build against pain, i don't know of any against anger.
blah.
i should stop this.
i should drink some water, breathe deeply and go to bed.
and i should keep the paranoia of not being able to slep well at bay, damnit.
it was good in some ways... felt like old times and such...
*lol* something aboutt he combination of good vibes, and bad vibes very close by... or maybe that isn't funny?
yeah, i haven't updated in a bit.
i just hadn't felt like sharing.
my days have been swinging from average into disdainful and back in odd intervals... that, and the fact that my body is starting to play odd tricks on me isn't helpful.
c'est la vie, though, worse things happen.
overall, i should be grateful that i'm not feeling anywhere as bad as i was a month and a half ago... though hard winter hitting still terrifies me.
had an interview today... i am afraid to decide whether or not i think it went well... i just have my fingers crossed, in a big way.
there's so many things that i have going through my head right now... but so few of them are actually concrete... more like shadows of thoughts... can't even begin to get them out in writing..
had an interesting thought today - more like a more direct sumnation of a previously fuzzy idea:
i hate it when people aggravate me to the point where i become spiteful.
because on the whole, i can tolerate and excuse a whole bunch as far as other people's behavior... but then some poeple reach that point, that point where i can't take another ounce more, where even their presence becomes aggravating.
and i will admit that once a person has gotten to that point once, its a lot easier for them to end up there again... but damnit... why do people have to suck?? or better yet - why do people who suck not disappear??
*sigh*
i just hate being angry and spiteful.
and the majority of the time, there isn't much that brings those extremes out. but when they do come out, it makes me miserable.
sometimes i wish i was one of those people that really lashed out in anger... it seems like it would be such an easy way to purge of those emotionas... but yet even while i refuse to be two-faced, i can't be rude to other people... its just not in me... and damnit, sometimes it just hurts : (
and yeah, at times like this, prescription meds sound tempting.
because for all the walls i know how to build against pain, i don't know of any against anger.
blah.
i should stop this.
i should drink some water, breathe deeply and go to bed.
and i should keep the paranoia of not being able to slep well at bay, damnit.
