burning man gives you what you need
Sep. 7th, 2005 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollgoing into it, i knew that i'd probably not have a good burn - i actually almost bailed on going the friday before.
work that should've taken a little bit of time was taking longer, i felt like campmate interactions were more sandpapery then usual, and the idea of 20 or so campers i didn't know made me very apprehensive.
on top of that, having moved out of boston hadn't hit me yet (hasn't, still, actually) and if i'm holding something big like that inside, there's no way i can really open up.
and beyond the sick, that last bit really got me - i couldn't open up to the experience. it was a near constand irritation from tuesday onwards - i wasn't getting it - and it was all because i was closed enough, closed off so much that even burning man couldn't open me.
and so, burning man gave me my lessons - that if i'm not open to them, even the most wonderful experiences feel mundane, that at least some of my inability to make connections is something i active hold.
i also found points where my ability to communicate broke down, and it was probably something i needed.
now, to figure out how to let go...
work that should've taken a little bit of time was taking longer, i felt like campmate interactions were more sandpapery then usual, and the idea of 20 or so campers i didn't know made me very apprehensive.
on top of that, having moved out of boston hadn't hit me yet (hasn't, still, actually) and if i'm holding something big like that inside, there's no way i can really open up.
and beyond the sick, that last bit really got me - i couldn't open up to the experience. it was a near constand irritation from tuesday onwards - i wasn't getting it - and it was all because i was closed enough, closed off so much that even burning man couldn't open me.
and so, burning man gave me my lessons - that if i'm not open to them, even the most wonderful experiences feel mundane, that at least some of my inability to make connections is something i active hold.
i also found points where my ability to communicate broke down, and it was probably something i needed.
now, to figure out how to let go...
