control freak in a cage.
Feb. 3rd, 2001 03:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollthe voices & music from the common areas make me feel trapped in this room - i can tell how close they are, and knowi can't go out there.
i'm just not allowing myself.
i was just as uncomfortable out there, and stood there like a big meanie among a crowd of people who kept looking at me like 'what are you doing here if you're not having fun?'.
only this is my house and i do not know any of them, never even seen most of them around, and them being in my house at all makes me uncomfortable. and i realize thats mostly my control issues. but damnit, they give of sketchy vibes, and i don't know them, and they're in my house!
so i've pretty much locked myself in here.
matty came int o ask if someone oculd use the phone int his room cuz it was loud everywhere else & i said no. i don't even feel bad for having been this bitchy. i really wish i could just force myself to just accept things... accept that matty isn't an ideal roomate for me, but that much worse things happen... accept that his friends may creep me out, but they're probably not bad people... but damnit... i'm too fucking territorial. after scuba moved out i've anted this place to me mine, and in some ways i think of it as mine, and just dream of ebing able to afford it without icky roomates. and damnit, at least when scuba was here, he'd be there to agree with me. bill & max couldn't give a shit & i'd be fighting against the current if i tried to fight.
*sigh*
up until now the day had been more or less ok, though... bill & i ended up going to the mall today, and i came home with about $150 less in my bank account.
first we went to the verizon wireless store. had to fight with &^#%^ there about the standing of chris' account & how it affects my account. the most frustrating thing is that she spent 20 minutes fighting with me over it rather then trying what i asked her to do. and finally when she did, of course, i was right.
so i walked out of there without the deposit on chris' account, but with a new calling plan & a new phone (as it was cheaper then a new battery for the one i had). i actually wasn't sure about getting a new phone.. the one i had had really taken a beating & kept on ticking, and i am afraid of this one being more flimsy. but we'll see, for some reasong oing back to an old phone is different then buying a new one in their book, so i could alsways go back to the old one if i don't like the new one, while if i didn't get a new one, i'd have to do a new contract whenever the phone battery got bad. wonderful options, eh?
but its okee... its a pretty cute phone, much slimmer & lighter then the old one.
then, i couldn't resist stopping in contempo - for some scary reason or another, i usually have good luck finding cheap clothes in there. this time was no exception - i got a bare-back long black velvet dress & some purple fuzzy pants all for under $20. definately good score : ) ...had tophysically pull myself away from the 80's belts they had... : )
next was the camera store. they couldn't give me a manual or replacement cable, but i ended up buying a little USB reader device. cost a bit more then i wanted to pay for something like that, but it works really nicely... still don't know ifi should keep it or not though.
when i got home i quickly went to playing with the new toys : )
even got most of the phone numbers i use into the new phone : )
but i am getting sleepy now, so no more storytime...
i'm just not allowing myself.
i was just as uncomfortable out there, and stood there like a big meanie among a crowd of people who kept looking at me like 'what are you doing here if you're not having fun?'.
only this is my house and i do not know any of them, never even seen most of them around, and them being in my house at all makes me uncomfortable. and i realize thats mostly my control issues. but damnit, they give of sketchy vibes, and i don't know them, and they're in my house!
so i've pretty much locked myself in here.
matty came int o ask if someone oculd use the phone int his room cuz it was loud everywhere else & i said no. i don't even feel bad for having been this bitchy. i really wish i could just force myself to just accept things... accept that matty isn't an ideal roomate for me, but that much worse things happen... accept that his friends may creep me out, but they're probably not bad people... but damnit... i'm too fucking territorial. after scuba moved out i've anted this place to me mine, and in some ways i think of it as mine, and just dream of ebing able to afford it without icky roomates. and damnit, at least when scuba was here, he'd be there to agree with me. bill & max couldn't give a shit & i'd be fighting against the current if i tried to fight.
*sigh*
up until now the day had been more or less ok, though... bill & i ended up going to the mall today, and i came home with about $150 less in my bank account.
first we went to the verizon wireless store. had to fight with &^#%^ there about the standing of chris' account & how it affects my account. the most frustrating thing is that she spent 20 minutes fighting with me over it rather then trying what i asked her to do. and finally when she did, of course, i was right.
so i walked out of there without the deposit on chris' account, but with a new calling plan & a new phone (as it was cheaper then a new battery for the one i had). i actually wasn't sure about getting a new phone.. the one i had had really taken a beating & kept on ticking, and i am afraid of this one being more flimsy. but we'll see, for some reasong oing back to an old phone is different then buying a new one in their book, so i could alsways go back to the old one if i don't like the new one, while if i didn't get a new one, i'd have to do a new contract whenever the phone battery got bad. wonderful options, eh?
but its okee... its a pretty cute phone, much slimmer & lighter then the old one.
then, i couldn't resist stopping in contempo - for some scary reason or another, i usually have good luck finding cheap clothes in there. this time was no exception - i got a bare-back long black velvet dress & some purple fuzzy pants all for under $20. definately good score : ) ...had tophysically pull myself away from the 80's belts they had... : )
next was the camera store. they couldn't give me a manual or replacement cable, but i ended up buying a little USB reader device. cost a bit more then i wanted to pay for something like that, but it works really nicely... still don't know ifi should keep it or not though.
when i got home i quickly went to playing with the new toys : )
even got most of the phone numbers i use into the new phone : )
but i am getting sleepy now, so no more storytime...
