(no subject)

[elvendoll]

i have now officially had my first hangover.
for the most part it was not too crippling, just annoying. now, though i feel totally drained. i'm supposed to go run a couple of errands with scuba in a few, and i am tempted to postpone it i feel so dead to the world.
last night was fun though. not as many people i knew as i had hoped. i ended up getting rather nicely drunk, and it was refreshing since it has been a while since i've done that : ) arranging for a driver home took a bit off hassle, but nothing serious - and thank you to all those who aided in getting me to my intoxicated state and those that kept an eye out for me!
afterwards, there was a pseudo-afterparty here. i was almost disappointed that it didn't turn out as the parties here usually do, but on the other hand i really wasn't up to a full-fledged party anyways, so it was fine... and i am glad to have gotten to chill with the people that came by : )
deirdre rocked my world last night, because after going through our work bitches, she offered to spend weekend time at the office showing me what everything is and how it does what it does - adding that training aspect to my 'training for MIS' that's been somewhat lacking : )
other things? well... one thing i noticed last night is that i got to see bill for all of like 10mins of the evening (well, that's before we got home). given that he also spent a lot of time in the prop room cuz he was in both skits, but... i just don't know how i feel about that. on the one hand, its nice to be able to be out and enjoy myself on my own terms, but ont he other, i kind of miss us going out as a couple. its no big deal or anything, just something i noticed... like when he came up to me to ask if it'd be okay if he left the club early, my response was 'and this would change how much we see each other how?'
but like i said, its no biggie really. just the way the dice have fallen.
i think its odd that when i look at my life over the past 2-3 years overall, i feel like i've spent all this time in a funk & not much is diiferent, but then i can pick out individual factors and see a world of diffeence.
like the not seeing bill much at the club. a year ago, 2 years ago, that would have bothered me a lot. i remember sitting chris down for a talk once and naming that as one of our 'problems' - and then we'd be around each other a lot more then bill & i are now. overall, i've been able to be a lot more independent around bill (even thoughit may not seem like it at times). i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that with chris, whenever we were apart, i felt like i was missing somehting. like somehting was going on that needed my attention and i couldn't be there. and with bill, i definately don't feel like that. i have this total calming confidence that nothing serious is going to happen in the interum. and its allowing me to be a lot less stressy, edgy, or bitchy. and clingy's in there, too...
speaking of stress, i've also noticed how i've gotten better about that in the past couple pf months. for the longest time, i was barely having any fun because i was always too stressed out about something. and thats gone now. i somehow rediscovered the ability to relax, take things as they come and enjoy situations for what they are. and i think its great : ) kinda makes me wonder how i had lost that to begin with, and what happened that i got it back,t hough... but its also odd because i can see some negative aspects, too.. the mian one is that i used ot stress a lot in sacual social situations - worry about how people perceieved me, whether the people i'd like to get to know better got a good impression of me, etc... and it made me want to improve my social skills, and hang out with people more. now, i don't stress about it anymore - which is good, but i am also letting things that i should take note of and fix just kinda roll by me. like there's definately quite a few people that i know socially that i'd love to get to know better and attempt to hang out with under more intimate circumstances, but i've felt so pressed for time lately that the getting around to trying to set up plans has fallen a bit further down on my list of thigns to do, which i don't think is good. and i could say writing this down is going to serve as a reminder, but in full honesty, as much as i hope and wish that was the case, i somehow doubt it. how is that for tired apathy, eh?

something i was thinking about int h shower: before living with and dating smokers, i used to enjoy going into the shower after a night out, and smell stale cigarette smoke & clubsmalls coming off my hair as it was getting soaked in hot water. it was definately one of those little moments in life that made me smile, reminiss about the evening gone by, and just one of those signs of a good night had. i haven't had that in ages now. i don't know if its because the whole house is so smoky that the smell isn't noticeable to me anymore, or if it just happens every shower now so i've sopped noticing, but this morning as hot water hot my hair, the smell of the glitter gel i wore last night came up and it made me smile in reminiscence. i love having little moments like that : )

well, i think i am done rambling for now... which is prolly a good thing, as i need to finish getting dressed & go meet up with scuba...

edited at 3:55pm

Comments

[lachesis.livejournal.com]

i sort of understand how you feel about not spending 'enough' time w/Bill at MR... J and I have been together for four years, and I think the most we see each other there is like an hour total. But, I just try to remember that we go for similar, and different reasons, and that he's the person I'm going home with at the end of the night. :) Sometimes I try to say "well, lets' spend more time in the lounge, etc" but those seem to wind up being the nights when everyone we know is out that we havent seen in ages. :)