other stuff went on, but...
Aug. 15th, 2001 12:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll...all that's made a really lasting impression is whatever twist my hormones/body chemistry/mood took from late last night to into this afternoon.
just remembering scares me.
i've never been one to cry in public. and its been 3 years since the last thought of suicide.
a part of me is scared shitless that this is SAD-on-crack, inspired by the weather change. i was blocking my fear of the fall before... now i have put up cement walls - because i am just really scared.
and i want to forget.
to not feel vulnerable from the sheer fact of knowing how out of my own control i was.
and to really get rid of all the bad thoughts in my head *sigh*
but its bedtime now
here's hoping tomorrow is a better day
just remembering scares me.
i've never been one to cry in public. and its been 3 years since the last thought of suicide.
a part of me is scared shitless that this is SAD-on-crack, inspired by the weather change. i was blocking my fear of the fall before... now i have put up cement walls - because i am just really scared.
and i want to forget.
to not feel vulnerable from the sheer fact of knowing how out of my own control i was.
and to really get rid of all the bad thoughts in my head *sigh*
but its bedtime now
here's hoping tomorrow is a better day
