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elvendolli had a rather odd night last night...
after coming home & plopping on the couch for buffy reruns & pizza, i decided that being in bed & reading was the best course of action. and indeed, the worls was a much better place when i was covered by my comforter & down blanket. but, i didn't end up reading too much - after about a half hour or so, i put down my book and started contemplating how strange it was that when i was 18, a very large portion of my ideas on and perceptions of relationships were really heavily influenced by Hermann Hesse's Narcissus and Goldmund and Ayn Rand's We the Living, and how that influenced my actions/reactions down the line. i guess bottom line is that i am still curious as to who i was four years ago. and the whole thing reminds me of a quote kira used to have about how it can be problematic to internalize works of art. between all that, though, i must've nodded off around 10ish, to wake back up at 1am. i got up a while, and then forced myself to go back to sleep. and i remember waking up a lot, and when i was waking up, i remember being unhappy about the fact that i was having bad dreams, and that i knew that whenever i did fall back asleep, i would keep having bad dreams, and therefore not sleep well.
and then i woke up feeling all kinds of tired.
today is panning out to be a so-so day, but i'm a little weary of the fact that i have no plans for tonight, after having stayed in last night, and all of last week. its one of those 'i know i make my own cage, but i can still hate it' sort of thing : (
after coming home & plopping on the couch for buffy reruns & pizza, i decided that being in bed & reading was the best course of action. and indeed, the worls was a much better place when i was covered by my comforter & down blanket. but, i didn't end up reading too much - after about a half hour or so, i put down my book and started contemplating how strange it was that when i was 18, a very large portion of my ideas on and perceptions of relationships were really heavily influenced by Hermann Hesse's Narcissus and Goldmund and Ayn Rand's We the Living, and how that influenced my actions/reactions down the line. i guess bottom line is that i am still curious as to who i was four years ago. and the whole thing reminds me of a quote kira used to have about how it can be problematic to internalize works of art. between all that, though, i must've nodded off around 10ish, to wake back up at 1am. i got up a while, and then forced myself to go back to sleep. and i remember waking up a lot, and when i was waking up, i remember being unhappy about the fact that i was having bad dreams, and that i knew that whenever i did fall back asleep, i would keep having bad dreams, and therefore not sleep well.
and then i woke up feeling all kinds of tired.
today is panning out to be a so-so day, but i'm a little weary of the fact that i have no plans for tonight, after having stayed in last night, and all of last week. its one of those 'i know i make my own cage, but i can still hate it' sort of thing : (
