weird morning ramblings
Jan. 3rd, 2002 10:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollcurrently, i sleep under two sets of blankets - the hideously pink comforter my mother bought as a bedcover for me when i was in 8th grade and the down blanket i've had since the move to america. the logic behind this is that the covering of the down blanket is made of something that resembles satin, and is so slippery that it bunches up into corners of a blanket-cover when i use one, so, instead of having an unfitted sheet under it, i have a whole comforter to make life that much warmer.
now, usually, by the time i wake up, i'm lucky to have the down blanket covering half of me, and ususally its at some odd angle to the rest of the bed. this morning, however, i wake up on my back, with both of the blankets in perfect alignment and up to my neck - almost as if someone had straightneded them out and tucked me in. weird!!!
also, i have two vague recollections from the night - one is the cat coming in and me petting her, and the second is that in the dream-state, i was lying in bed, and about 3 feet of air above me was like an air blanket of sorts - like something was keeping it as a warm, non-moving mass, and i would raise my arms into it.
at first, i thought both were very dream-based, as the cat didn't appear to be in the room, and usually, if she comes in at night, she stays the whole night. but then, as i'm getting dressed, i realize the cat simply slept in a drawer i left open - since everything in it was black anyways, i just didn't notice her... which now makes me wonder if i was raising my arms IRL, and just how the blankets got to be so straight & perfect...
of course, i was also on nyquil overnight, so that adds some interesting variables : )
i got in this morning and saw this, which, of course, triggered one of my rant-modes. the article is supposed to be about children that were concieved posthumously, but what struck me more is the situation in question - a woman decided to have children with the sperm of her deceased husband - who died of leukemia 6 years ago, and had also had cancer. and all i can think of is WTF - both of those can be passed genetically - so what motivates someone to be artificially inseminated with sperm that may lead to such problems for the children?? in my, very close-minded on the issue, view, bringing a child into the world should be one of the most selfless acts in existence - i think that having a child should mean putting the best interest of the child first at all times - now, these children are never going to see or interact with their father - and i can understand wanting to have children from the combined DNA of yourself and a particular person - but, when that desire adds a greater-then-possibly-necesary risk to the children, shouldn't their wellbeing be taken into account before your own wishes? isn't it wrong to knowingly risk your children in this matter?
now, usually, by the time i wake up, i'm lucky to have the down blanket covering half of me, and ususally its at some odd angle to the rest of the bed. this morning, however, i wake up on my back, with both of the blankets in perfect alignment and up to my neck - almost as if someone had straightneded them out and tucked me in. weird!!!
also, i have two vague recollections from the night - one is the cat coming in and me petting her, and the second is that in the dream-state, i was lying in bed, and about 3 feet of air above me was like an air blanket of sorts - like something was keeping it as a warm, non-moving mass, and i would raise my arms into it.
at first, i thought both were very dream-based, as the cat didn't appear to be in the room, and usually, if she comes in at night, she stays the whole night. but then, as i'm getting dressed, i realize the cat simply slept in a drawer i left open - since everything in it was black anyways, i just didn't notice her... which now makes me wonder if i was raising my arms IRL, and just how the blankets got to be so straight & perfect...
of course, i was also on nyquil overnight, so that adds some interesting variables : )
i got in this morning and saw this, which, of course, triggered one of my rant-modes. the article is supposed to be about children that were concieved posthumously, but what struck me more is the situation in question - a woman decided to have children with the sperm of her deceased husband - who died of leukemia 6 years ago, and had also had cancer. and all i can think of is WTF - both of those can be passed genetically - so what motivates someone to be artificially inseminated with sperm that may lead to such problems for the children?? in my, very close-minded on the issue, view, bringing a child into the world should be one of the most selfless acts in existence - i think that having a child should mean putting the best interest of the child first at all times - now, these children are never going to see or interact with their father - and i can understand wanting to have children from the combined DNA of yourself and a particular person - but, when that desire adds a greater-then-possibly-necesary risk to the children, shouldn't their wellbeing be taken into account before your own wishes? isn't it wrong to knowingly risk your children in this matter?
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no subject
Date: 2002-01-09 07:04 am (UTC)If someone said, Okay honey, you can live for twenty years but then such-and-such an illness may stop you in your tracks, is that okay?
I'd still go for it. I mean, in those 20 or so years, maybe they'd find a cure. Or maybe I'd be the one who beats the odds and never gets whatever's on my genetic roulette wheel.
So, if the gods or Nature or Love prompted me to have another child, no matter what the odds for the child or me, I'd do it.
Give me one glorious day of feeling loved, alive, and exhilarated, and I'll take the rest of the week with clouds and hollowness, and it's fine. Oh, I'll still complain *grin*, but it's fine when I look at the tradeoffs.
I like to think that other people feel the same. But maybe they don't. It's difficult to see inside someone else's head, truly grok their context, and so on.
But for me, even with the worst that can happen, a few days of brilliant and sparkling joy is worth it all.
no subject
Date: 2002-01-09 07:32 am (UTC)but, i also have to admit that my views on parenthood are quite idealistic/warped... (and in my ideal universe, children would have a right not to be born)
no subject
Date: 2002-01-09 01:54 pm (UTC)I don't know about that. Or about trying to bring back the memory of a late husband by having his children now. That's morbid and weird, IMHO.
And I'm not someone who believes that there's just One True Love for each of us. (Though some matches are vastly better than others.) So, yeah, if she has someone else who could be a healthy sperm donor or father... that's a far better choice.
But, deciding solely on the basis of whether or not the child may--at some point in the indefinite future--have inherited health risks, well, that's not as important as the emotional foundation for this kind of decision.
Then again, in my world, I think children do make the choices. We just get amnesia on our way through the birth canal. That's the only way I can reconcile my own bizarre and rather brutal childhood: That I chose this path for the lessons I'd learn.
(I'm still not certain what it is that I learned. But at some point, I'm confident that it will all make sense.)
Meanwhile, I'd hope that sperm banks are conscious enough to provide counselling for people who are making usual choices... such as just why someone would use risky sperm to produce a posthumous child.
It seems to me that we're so close to being able to screen out weak-to-risky DNA in sperm, the health issue could soon be a moot point. Then we're left with the more important question of motivation.
no subject
Date: 2002-01-10 08:05 am (UTC)Good points. I was reminded of a friend who, when he heard that cloning is on the horizon, immediately decided to clone a child that he lost in an accident years ago.
to me, that sounds 'not right'.
my grandma wants to get a parakeet, only she will only get one that looks exactly like the parakeet we had when i was little - to me, thats also 'not right'.
wanting to have children with your chosen mate - that doesn't set off any lights... even if that mate is gone, i can still see the desire for the child to be a combination of yourself and that mate... but, its when this personal choice of yours can be harmful to the children, thats where my warning lights go off - i guess to me, going with an option that is more harmful to your (unborn or young enough to be dependent) children then another available option is an unhealthy decision because it shows selfishness winning over parental duties...
Then again, in my world, I think children do make the choices. We just get amnesia on our way through the birth canal. That's the only way I can reconcile my own bizarre and rather brutal childhood: That I chose this path for the lessons I'd learn.
i don't know...
then again, i think a lot of my bias was created by the fact that my mother was too young when she had me, and was not able to be there for me for the first 10-15 years of my life (there's a 5 year gap because i will never know when she started trying and was kept away by my efforts), and i have felt the difference between the two types of parenting, and i really don't know where or how i would be if the change never came in her, as well as realizing how incredibly lucky i am that she came around, and that i had grandparents to be there for me for most of the time my mother was not able to...