couldn't sleep...
Oct. 4th, 2000 12:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollits funny, i get to bed, and more then 80% of the time, all i want is to cuddle and talk for a while... kinda recapt our day and such...
meanwhile he is ready to wrap his arms around me and just pass out...
i will amdit tonight is an exception, he barely slept last night... and we are trying to work on it... its just one of those things thats not laying down right now as he fell asleep even quicker then usual, and my cramps are keeping me up.
yay to the wonders of being a woman, huh?
its funny though... one of the biggest problems of living together is that you seem to spend a lot of time around your loved one, but less time with them...
and bill and i really try to make time for each other, its just that we do once, and then slip into our lives until the next time there becomes a gaping hole...
and it seems like lately, our default way of spending time with each other is eating out. and we cna rarely afford to do that more then once a week, if that.
so tomorrow i am going to talk to him about maybe going on picnic and shtuff - because making meals for inside the house is good for food consumption and not much else, as we don't have a kitchen table and all the eating is done at the lving room coffee table, to which the TV is blaring more often then not.
i keep thinking that we need a kitchen table...
and then i remember that i have one, at my parents' house.
a really nice one, in fact - its octagonal, and glass.
but, we'd need to figure out what to do with the cabinet and mini table that are standing where the table would be... and at this point, rallying the boys into both a decision and action is more then i'm willing to take on.
c'est la vie.
among other things going through my head while i was holding bill till he was fully alseep was the poem red wings, with monika's comment about how thats one of the healthiest male views on the woman's cycle....
...and that lead back to memories of what my perceptions of jamie were - what is it? like 2, 3 years ago now, when kira first met him, when he used to crash at her house, and she told me about the crazy kid who spewed his problems to her, about the night she told me of him getting drunk in some bar, and needing to be caught stumbling through the streets.
and then a fast forward to when i met him... and realized why it is i was attracted to him - he's just another lost soul. another person for whom some evil bone in me says 'i could try and help him make his life complete'...
*sigh*
talk about sadomasochism.
i guess i should consider myself lucky most of the people i've liked over the years never liked me back...
then again... i feel bad for thinking things like that...
because that almost sounds resentful... nostalgic...
but as i'm writing this, its just words, thoughts, without much emotion at all..
because i am pretty happy where i am.
things with bill are going as well as i could hope.. whatever bump we hit in july/august, we're past it... and i feel content and satisfyed in the relationship...
in a way i resent that bump, not really for the pain that it was, i think thats a natural and healthy part of relationships, but because it made our anniversary seem like less of a momentous occasion - it seemed like we both felt like what we have was just forming still, too fragile to really be celebrated in that sort of matter.
but its okay...
we're going to have lots of days to come, i am sure : )
and on that note, i think i'm going to go and try snuggling up to the boy again : )
meanwhile he is ready to wrap his arms around me and just pass out...
i will amdit tonight is an exception, he barely slept last night... and we are trying to work on it... its just one of those things thats not laying down right now as he fell asleep even quicker then usual, and my cramps are keeping me up.
yay to the wonders of being a woman, huh?
its funny though... one of the biggest problems of living together is that you seem to spend a lot of time around your loved one, but less time with them...
and bill and i really try to make time for each other, its just that we do once, and then slip into our lives until the next time there becomes a gaping hole...
and it seems like lately, our default way of spending time with each other is eating out. and we cna rarely afford to do that more then once a week, if that.
so tomorrow i am going to talk to him about maybe going on picnic and shtuff - because making meals for inside the house is good for food consumption and not much else, as we don't have a kitchen table and all the eating is done at the lving room coffee table, to which the TV is blaring more often then not.
i keep thinking that we need a kitchen table...
and then i remember that i have one, at my parents' house.
a really nice one, in fact - its octagonal, and glass.
but, we'd need to figure out what to do with the cabinet and mini table that are standing where the table would be... and at this point, rallying the boys into both a decision and action is more then i'm willing to take on.
c'est la vie.
among other things going through my head while i was holding bill till he was fully alseep was the poem red wings, with monika's comment about how thats one of the healthiest male views on the woman's cycle....
...and that lead back to memories of what my perceptions of jamie were - what is it? like 2, 3 years ago now, when kira first met him, when he used to crash at her house, and she told me about the crazy kid who spewed his problems to her, about the night she told me of him getting drunk in some bar, and needing to be caught stumbling through the streets.
and then a fast forward to when i met him... and realized why it is i was attracted to him - he's just another lost soul. another person for whom some evil bone in me says 'i could try and help him make his life complete'...
*sigh*
talk about sadomasochism.
i guess i should consider myself lucky most of the people i've liked over the years never liked me back...
then again... i feel bad for thinking things like that...
because that almost sounds resentful... nostalgic...
but as i'm writing this, its just words, thoughts, without much emotion at all..
because i am pretty happy where i am.
things with bill are going as well as i could hope.. whatever bump we hit in july/august, we're past it... and i feel content and satisfyed in the relationship...
in a way i resent that bump, not really for the pain that it was, i think thats a natural and healthy part of relationships, but because it made our anniversary seem like less of a momentous occasion - it seemed like we both felt like what we have was just forming still, too fragile to really be celebrated in that sort of matter.
but its okay...
we're going to have lots of days to come, i am sure : )
and on that note, i think i'm going to go and try snuggling up to the boy again : )
