just a world of suck
Sep. 14th, 2000 10:14 ammornings are icky...
and i have a feeling its just going to be one of those days...
i went out last... came back feeling ok... but now am full of doubts...
there was someone there that i don't know, but for some reason or another, i thought not that he was someone else per se, but had done something that someone else did...
and though from having the stuff clarified to me this person is obviously not someone i want much to do with, but its not in the same league as the offense i attributed to them, and now i feel bad...
so adding that on top of the usual insecurities makes for icky feelings in associations with the night..
..then i was having bad dreams throughout the night.. ..mostly to do with the car...
because when i called the mechanic yesterday, the price i ws quoted was $280. for replacing a $22 hose. and somehow the stuff the guy told me just didn't add up...
so i called them really early this morning (i couldn't fall asleep without doing it) and then called my mom to tell her everything.
that ended up not being the best of ideas.
i think what hurt most of all about the whole thing is that i try to take as little money from them as possible. and while i was working my mom would offer me money for car repairs and i didn't take it. but now that i have no savings left, she gives me shit...
and i understand that its possible to live here without having a car... but she also knows how emotionally dependent i am on the car, and that i would put school on hold again to make sure i have a vehicle... but making me feel guilty for that kinda sucked.
*grumble*
and i have a feeling its just going to be one of those days...
i went out last... came back feeling ok... but now am full of doubts...
there was someone there that i don't know, but for some reason or another, i thought not that he was someone else per se, but had done something that someone else did...
and though from having the stuff clarified to me this person is obviously not someone i want much to do with, but its not in the same league as the offense i attributed to them, and now i feel bad...
so adding that on top of the usual insecurities makes for icky feelings in associations with the night..
..then i was having bad dreams throughout the night.. ..mostly to do with the car...
because when i called the mechanic yesterday, the price i ws quoted was $280. for replacing a $22 hose. and somehow the stuff the guy told me just didn't add up...
so i called them really early this morning (i couldn't fall asleep without doing it) and then called my mom to tell her everything.
that ended up not being the best of ideas.
i think what hurt most of all about the whole thing is that i try to take as little money from them as possible. and while i was working my mom would offer me money for car repairs and i didn't take it. but now that i have no savings left, she gives me shit...
and i understand that its possible to live here without having a car... but she also knows how emotionally dependent i am on the car, and that i would put school on hold again to make sure i have a vehicle... but making me feel guilty for that kinda sucked.
*grumble*