today.

i just want ot have a cup of tea and crawl under the blankets again... but i figured i might as well write this first.

first this morning was the interview.
i think it went well... and the place sounds really cool - they have a fucking disco ball in their NOC (where i'd be working!) - you can't get much better then that, right?
the lady seemed cool, and its a start-up, with a now forming tech support department - i'd be part of the first 4... which may have its stresses, but should be good in terms of advancement.
now she's going to schedule a phone interview with my would-be boss, and hopefully the ball will roll from there.

then was the dr's appointment.
it seemed odd. first an intern came in, had me find the lump, and found it herself. put on the chart where it is and its size... then after a 5 minute wait, the doctor came in, and i think he had a hard time finding it.
he then said 99.9% chance its the same thing it was last time, and gave me my options - which were ultrasound for further diagnostic, needle biopsy - but he kept saying how it would be hard to hit, or a full biopsy.
personally, i want the thing out.
i don't care that there's only a .1 chance its not benign... as far as i'm concerned its not supposed to be there, and should be taken out.
after i said that i want the full biopsy, we scheduled the appointment for the monday after this one. his attitude of acting like the ultrasound wasn't important kinda put me off a bit... but, i couldn't scedule one in the next two days, so thats now an option anyways.
c'est la vie.
and my mom didn't get such the negative impression, so everything shoould be okay.

i came home and stayed online for a little bit, but passed out shortly - i've been really damn exhausted.
slept through 6pm, and only now realized that i rebooted since bill gave me moose's number.
guess i'll just have to wait for one of them to pop online.

bill was really sweet through the whole thing, too - he's really damn wonderful.

and now i am off to have tea, as my body is getting nautious from dehydration...

things that make you feel all fuzzy inside...

bill just called me... they're on a bit of an adventure getting to moose's house, and he called me from corwyn's cellphone...
meanwhile i'd been sitting here feeling a bit stranded, and trying to convince myself that getting a hold of moose's number and calling for bill would be a bad thing.
its just little things like this that make me adore him so much...

also been giving some thought to family dysfunctionality...
k., the daughter of my grandma's best friend, and someone who both me and my mom are friends with (though her closer then me) is going to be in town tomorrow. she lives in london now, and this visit is a big secret as she's not going to be making any social appearances. she's going to be in NY with her boyfriend, staying at his sister's house.
the family views this with marked caution. my mom told me in a very matter of fact kind of way, leon had a rather surprised yet stern look on his face... its almost like she's making a family faux pas. in a family where my mom got married whilst 6 months pregnant and lived with my stepdad in an apartment of her father's before their marriage.
it just makes me wonder about where the changes came from... how even... why...

i had told my mom about how bill was ready to go with me here, to be there for me through the surgery. today int he car to the dr's, after some silence, she asks me if i want them to meet bill, or if i don't, or if i don't care.
i said i don't care - i really don't see how it changes anything one way or another... they can plainly see how well he treats me, and at least my mom has shown her approval.
her response surprised me though. she said 'good. because if you did, it would be another story entirely'.
made me feel like i missed my stop on the train somewhere.
i don't like the possibilites of what that could mean, and i know asking would just be a bad thing.
*sigh*

on the other hand, i think bill's desire to go with me for the surgery stuffs is almost angelic. i almost feel guilty saying no, denying such a huge act of caring.
but, there's just no way... meeting my family is one thing. being stranded in their house while i am recovering from general anasthesia, which envolves nearly 24 hours of sleeping, is a totally other.
if it was just my mom and grandparents its one thing... but debbie and leon are another story, and his alleged fear of young children doesn't bode well for the presence of a 6 month old...
though i would be kinda curious to see how abi would react to him...
but yeah, its, sadly, out of the question.
besides, my old room is abi's now.
i think my parents would have voluntary hernias before letting debbie see bill sleep in the same room with me...
(damn! what a blissfull concept that is right now... (just the sleeping next to each other, not the here part))

but y'know - sleeping is a good thought in and of itself too!

ciao : )