pieces.

i didn't sleep well last night.
back in the half-asleep, half-awake + bad dreams land. its funny, because i remembered falling asleep, and as my sleep got less and less deep, in the more wakeful moments i'd replay that memory over and over, hoping to fall asleep again. and then in the deeper portions, it was something about becky going on with reasons/excuses that i couldn't be asleep, *grumble*
then i woke up to my stomach doing somersaults. i thought it was later on, but when i got back from the bathroom, the alarmclock said 6:40something. i was kinda surprised it was still dark out, but was more interested in getting back into bed.
took me a while to fall back asleep, again, and when i woke up this morning it was a bit later then i usually do, and i was just a world more groggy.
had coffee for like the first time in a couple of weeks (i've been staying away from it because my stomach & nervous system have been less then stable) figuring i caught most of the hell my stomach could give me earlier in the morning, and i definately needed it ungrogg.
actually worked pretty decently.
so now i am at the point of hitting send & recieve and staring at the phone. the place i interviewed on monday is supposed to get back to me today. i am scared to think that the fact that they haven't yet is a bad sign.
also, i finally got around to making a monster.com resume yesterday, and sent it off to a bunch of the jobs listed there, and am really hoping to hear back.
i really hate desperation.

on other things going on... life has been a bit more low key lately, and i think thats a good thing.
overall, the house has been a bit more clean (now if we oculd only tackle the bathroom!), and this level of moderate mess has made it easier for me to chill out about it - which is a good thing.
things with bill have plateued)(sp), too... there are still some things that are on the agenda, but we haven't had sparks fly, which is a good thing.
the sad thing is, though, that i keep focussed on this external calm, but internally i'm still fighting minor anxiety more often then not. my mind just finds one thing after another to worry over... and distrating my mind os one thing, getting my insides to stop being knotted up is totally another.
blah.

OMG

so drinking the coffee was definately a mistake as far as tummy issues are concerned.
haven't had pain like that in some time.. *sigh*
mylanta seemed to help, i am just not looking forward to being a mylanta junkie again (through my first two years in high school [before becoming a vegetarian] i drank like a bottle a week - yugh!). also time to go on supa-tummy-friendly diet. no more stir-friend stuff (i try not to eat anything thats actually fried anyways), no more spicy stuff. joy.
the really annoying thing (other then the pain) is the fact that i have like 1 more serving of my rice left in the fridge, and i keep debating if i should let myself eat it before starting the diet... cuz a part of me really wants to, but the other part doesn't want to deal with the pain.

oh joy.

and prolly time to call the work place...

gone to the dogs

today, so far, has sucked.
between my stomach giving me shit and my boob 'tingling' i haven't accomplished much of anything today.
i did some dishes, wanted to pick up more, but the boob discomfort is keeping moving around much... i think its much more mental then physical, but the mere thought that the scar could be infected frightens me shitless.
i called the job place; got voicemail. left voicemail, though i panicked a bit and didn'tleave my number again : /
finally got a hold of my mom and left the doc voicemail about my boob - they said to call back if i don't hear by 11am tomorrow (joy!)
and checked my email like every 5 mins.
i really don't understand why taking a job is taking so long this time. its getting to be beyond frustarating, and somewhat nerve-wrecking, too. *grumble*
earlier on, i was considering going out tonight, but with the boob having gotten worse i don't even know anymore. i keep telling myself that getting my mind off things will be good for me, but that little ache keeps drving me batty : /
maybe i'll just get up the balls and go to the emergency room... i really really really really hate those, but it may be more effective then waiting for what the doc could tell me over the phone. : / *sigh* just another among the list of thoughts that scare me shitless.
blah.