there is a long entry that needs awriting...

...but i don't know if this one is going to be it.

its damn freezing in here & i don't know if my tiredness & lack of focus will succeed...

and yeah - did i mention its freezing in here?! it looks like our (crappy!) thermostat kicked the bucket sometime while i was out. i have the space heater warming the bedroom already - but that isn't helping the rest of the house one bit *grumble*

second house note.... matty has been cleaning like crazy.
and not he one hand, i am totally happy about it.
on the other? i feel horrible because i am not helping enough.
i ended up going to nashua this afternoon, as bill needed a ride from NH and i needed to go up to headlines for some holiday shopping anyways... before i left, i cleared away all the clean dishes, but did not get to washing the 1 dish & couple of glasses in the sink... or the pizza'd cookie sheet, for that matter... i come home now, the sink is empty & the counters have been rewiped! talk about be careful what you wish for!! : )

so yeah - went to nashua earlier today. i left the house at around 3, but was still barely functioning. i guess my body's version of a hangover is just making me super mellow - and that combined with he fact that i hadn't eaten made me barely there.
on the way i ran into some traffic, but i guess my mellowness gave me an advantage - i just kinda sailed through it... didn't get irritated or pissy.. or even annoyed that it made me late - just kinda went with a flow. maybe i should get plastered every night, huh??
bill actually called me as i was 5 mins late (we were supposed to be meeting at denny's), and along with telling him my story, i told him what i wanted to order, in hopes that it would be waiting for me when i arrived - i hadn't had one bit to eat since waking up & was starving.
when i did finally make it there, no food was waiting for me (though coffee was : ) ) and kevin, claire & another friend of their was at the table. i wasn't surprised one bit... though in retrospect think it woulda been great of bill to let me know ahead of time.
c'est la vie though - he was actually on time, and i shouldn't be expecting too many miracles ; P
i was so hungry, i didn't even mind that my food came out looking funky & cold (something about bad cooks, and burgers taking longer to cook then eggs).
after denny's we went off to headlines.
overall, like most things in my life lately, it was a mixed blessing... i found 2 presents, but one of them is only a partial one, and the other might need to be returned anyways.. and i was really hoping to find a lot more there... and looking at their clothing just disappoints me every single time - they have a pretty decent selection - but it is all so overpriced i always leave wondering why i came in in the first place. $40 for a tank top is just inappropriate.
after that took much longer then necesary (i was still pretty damn mellow) we decided to brave the nashua mall. the thinking behind it was 'well, we've already started shopping, and they have a frederick's in there'.
*sigh*
*sigh again*
just thinking about it brings me back to that incredibly drained state.
the highlight of that was bill running into his friend beej. can't say i like the guy.. but i don't dislike him, and it made bill happy.
by the time we left, one more minute inside that place would've broken me. the crowded mall activates my anxiety... i start being able to feel anyone within my extended bubble, and trust me - it doesn't feel nice. to top it off, bill was reacting in a similar fashion, and that lead to a couple quick bickering outbursts (all of which ended in mutual apologies within 3 minutes). but its time to concentrate on the fact that i got away in time to leave sane (even if drained), and with 5 pairs of panites from a sale at victoria's secret (its absolutely horrible - bill has lost most of mine while bringing the laundry up & down!! *grumble*) and a belt that will hopefully go along with tobi's xmass outfit...
the drive home was a bit tense at first - both of us were recovering from the mall experience, and working through conflicting wants as far as the rest of the evening's plans.
in the end, he agreed to indulge me in going to see the d&d movie with some folks, and after that was sorted through, i was able to spend the rest of the ride getting my bearings in order.
we went to the theater in revere, and seeing tobi within the first few minutes of our arrival sure gave the finishing touches to ending my anxiety - its really disgusting how uncomfortable i get around 'other people' and how long it takes for a person to be broken through the barrier. but no more bad stuff. it was enjoyable company, and even if the movie did suck a bunch, it was fun to watch (especially as i have never had any real exposure to d&d before) & was really nice visually. and i just really enjoy watching movies in a big group, and then spending time after the movie just discussing views : ) its one of the things i've missed most regarding the demise of sheep, actually.. (rereading last sentence - as far as sheep events go, not sheep people - persont o person ties go much deeper then a movie outing ever could)

and this is where my concentration is stopping, and moving on to the bedroo - to be continued...

i always end up feeling weird after naps...

...but at least the horrid pain in my stomach has now subsided.
it was pretty damn bad earlier...

so now i am hungry, but all kinds of hazy, too..
matty was going to the store anyways, so i put in a request for mashed potatoes - that's what i was about to have in my dream right as i woke up, and that gave me a craving - only i am way too out of it to try & make some myself.. and it takes way too long, anyhow...
hopefully he'll bring back something edible : )

so yeah... its been an interesting weekend...
Friday night i went to manray... as planned, i got pretty damn drunk - and it felt really really nice.. i haven't really done nay drinking since bill's birthday party back in September - just that my tolerance was reduced to nil last month, so a couple of times a little amount that i'd had to drink got me more buzzed then i thought they would - but those usually hit me either at the night's end or after i got home (ie - last Saturday) so its not the same.
and it was so nice just flitting about, being social & stuff : )
so nice, in fact, that i wanted to have an afterparty, but unfortunately most people said they weren't up for it, so that idea didn't work out well..
brian & his friends d. and b. stopped by for a while, but sadly at somehow my mood had soured so i can't say i had much fun...
it was good to see brian, though : )
it must've been like 5am when i got to bed, and i didn't sleep well, either, but its okay...
Saturday was a pretty good day (see previous entry)..
today is odd.
today feels like it hasn't really started yet.
i got out of bed around 1ish, and was immediately told that i should go over brian & jodi's for food... the idea sounded enticing, but bill was still asleep... i think it was the lack of heat that wa the final straw to my decision - and i was there before 2, in my jammies: )
the french toast was yummy (great many thanks to the hosts : ) ) and it was cool to just chill & hang out for a while : )
i just really am enjoying being social right now... finally being employed is making me feel so much better and the month+ i spent cooped up in the house has made me stircrazy. but for the moment, its all good : )
while at shaghaus i was actually trying to concoct some sort of plan of rthe evening, but unfortunately my body was being evil & gave me lots of pain - i don't think i'll muster up the energy to go out of the house tonight anymore : /
but hopefully i will be rested for work tomorrow - getting up at 7am is still new to me right now...
but yeah.. overall good weekend..

*lol* i am just so scatterbrained & out of it right now, i think its even coming out of this entry... its like i know there were things i wanted to write about, but they're not coming to mind, so i am just babbling until they do..
well, that & waiting for matty to get back with the food...

blah, i should stop now..

i'm having one of those moments...

...the kind where i realize that i really shouldn't take naps.
because a part of is really restless & wants to do something, while the other is so scatterbrained it can't fouc on the options enough to make a decision..
basically, i could (a) read (b) leaf through the margitte book thats sticking out t the top of the bookshelf & catching my eye (c) work on depth, (d) clean up...

although now that i think about it, i think i am just going to give kira call... its been ages since we've talked ont he phone - here's hoping that she's actually home...

heh... how is this for a totally pointless entry?