pre-lunch whining

i feel so dead to the world... like i hadn't slept the past two nights at all...
overall, it could be worse, because this thing is like having a nice blanket of grogg over me all day, so i'm not really as stresses as i would be otherwise, and its that much harder for customers to annoy me.
but still... this blows.

tracking cold symptoms

world feeling fuzzy - check
head feeling heavy - check
joints feeling sore - check

my throat has been sore on & off, but thats typical for me over winter. i'm just curious to see if this is, in fact, a cold, and just how hard it will kick my ass.

adam, i blame you.

so its been a couple of days...

i think i've said this before - i just don't feel like sharing.

(second try at an entry here - i don't really understand why i feel the need to put something up)

i hate being disappointed by people. just when i think i'm not expecting anything, that i'm just hanging chill, someone manages to prove me wrong.
on some levels, i wonder why expect any different - why i think that people i know should be honest and honorable just because they're people my lifepath has crossed. and on other levels, i wonder about just where i am in life that i keep running into disappointments and don't take it as a sign to step to a different road.
the other day, s. was asking me about my life... she wanted to be reassured that i'm not in the hole i was in three and a half years ago... but in a way, i felt like i was being asked to justify who i am, and who i am here with. instinctively, i resented that. i don't hold it against her, i just resent that. its so easy to find negatives when you're looking for them. only it then struck me that i have such an easier time picking out the negatives then i do finding the positives... is this my sad-angsty-gothy-whatever perspective? or is that the truth? and how much of that am i comfortable with?
i think, in an odd way, its making me reevaluate some things tobi has said over the years.

and on that note, i think i'm done for now.