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Oct. 21st, 2002 05:23 pmtwo years ago today i was broken. just reading that was hard. but, on a level, its good to read that and see how much better i am doing now... to know that while all that is still in me, my grip is strong enough not to let it out, not to let is rule me (well, most of the time. there are still bad days, they're just much rarer now).
a year ago today i listed off all my previous halloween costumes, only i'd made a mistake - i don't think i went trick or treating at all in 89, and the costume listed there is actually from 90.
i still have no clue what i will be this year. ideas, anyone?
my head is filled with all kinds of room-anxiety.
i think ideally, i need to get a new dresser - a tall one, with at least 6-8 drawers.
so far, the two things that seem to be affordable and close to that i need/want are this and this, the latter especially if its got hanger-s[ace or could handle more shelves.
i'll need to go back to the room and see if i can move my current dresser to a new spot, or if i will need to get rid of it.
overall, i'm really disappointed by the lack of black furniture i can find, and the lack of wall shelves. then again, i can't think of any place that'd have cheap stuff other then kmart, target or ikea.
i'm also finding that i need/want stuff, which is definitely new to me. like, i want furry clogs - those seem like the perfect winter work shoes. and i want more long sleeved shirts, because all the ones that i've had for the past 3+ years are a bit more "fancy" then what i've been wearing lately. unfortunately, with the possibility of furniture expenses and definite but not yet determined car expenses, i can't allow myself to go shopping.
yesterday, he mentioned the idea that spending money is fun/a good cheerer-upper. and in some cases, i agree. going out to eat definitely cheers me up. getting new toys cheers me up. car repairs? no cheering involved. furniture shopping? i find it scary, intimidating and emotionally jarring. i see furniture as baggage and acquiring new furniture is an ordeal. i'm also a packrat, and the possibility of throwing out old furniture is as emotionally traumatizing as acquiring new pieces.
so i took a look over my finances, and unless the carstuff ends up being over $600 (which it could), i will be out of the i-have-no-cash-because-all-my-money-went-to-pay-off-the-creditcard horrible pattern right in time to go to san diego (which, of course, has the potential of throwing me back into it again, but hopefully not). it will be good to have a usable ATM card.
and speaking of car, i bit the bullet and made an appointment for bright and early tomorrow.
a year ago today i listed off all my previous halloween costumes, only i'd made a mistake - i don't think i went trick or treating at all in 89, and the costume listed there is actually from 90.
i still have no clue what i will be this year. ideas, anyone?
my head is filled with all kinds of room-anxiety.
i think ideally, i need to get a new dresser - a tall one, with at least 6-8 drawers.
so far, the two things that seem to be affordable and close to that i need/want are this and this, the latter especially if its got hanger-s[ace or could handle more shelves.
i'll need to go back to the room and see if i can move my current dresser to a new spot, or if i will need to get rid of it.
overall, i'm really disappointed by the lack of black furniture i can find, and the lack of wall shelves. then again, i can't think of any place that'd have cheap stuff other then kmart, target or ikea.
i'm also finding that i need/want stuff, which is definitely new to me. like, i want furry clogs - those seem like the perfect winter work shoes. and i want more long sleeved shirts, because all the ones that i've had for the past 3+ years are a bit more "fancy" then what i've been wearing lately. unfortunately, with the possibility of furniture expenses and definite but not yet determined car expenses, i can't allow myself to go shopping.
yesterday, he mentioned the idea that spending money is fun/a good cheerer-upper. and in some cases, i agree. going out to eat definitely cheers me up. getting new toys cheers me up. car repairs? no cheering involved. furniture shopping? i find it scary, intimidating and emotionally jarring. i see furniture as baggage and acquiring new furniture is an ordeal. i'm also a packrat, and the possibility of throwing out old furniture is as emotionally traumatizing as acquiring new pieces.
so i took a look over my finances, and unless the carstuff ends up being over $600 (which it could), i will be out of the i-have-no-cash-because-all-my-money-went-to-pay-off-the-creditcard horrible pattern right in time to go to san diego (which, of course, has the potential of throwing me back into it again, but hopefully not). it will be good to have a usable ATM card.
and speaking of car, i bit the bullet and made an appointment for bright and early tomorrow.
