(no subject)
Sep. 11th, 2002 02:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolltoday certainly feels weird.
i keep wavering between almost crying at things i see others have written and pushing it all away, back... its an odd juggle, and right now, i don't feel like talking about it any further.
i turned the radio on in the car this morning, for the first time in ages. i was alone, in my car, but i wanted to hear the moment of silence. to connect my experience to that of others, even in such superficial a fashion.
i was angry at the radio announcers. it was so anti-climactic. i know i could have picked better radio stations, but i wanted it to be tuned to something i'd listen to anyways, the stations i used to listen to before the cd player was installed in the car. on 100.7, it didn't feel like they lasted a minute, and then cranked out 'born in the usa'. ugh. on 98.5, there was a speech that mentioned god a little too much for my liking.
*sigh*
i looked for my pictures of the WTC this weekend, and didn't find nearly enough, which makes me thing that they've gotten mixed in with the family photos. the family photos occupy a huge drawer in the dining room cabinet and are not in any order at all. hell, most are just loose in there.
i did find the one i mentioned in last year's entry. its not a great picture. if you didn't know, you wouldn't be able to tell what it is. but i remember laying down, my head pressed against the side of the building, and taking the shot. there's another picture, which i think was taken in the courtyard of the WTC, but i'm not sure. and then there's my mental picture... of the twins on the night we arrived in america.
yesterday was a good night.
i came home intending to nap, but he wanted an early dinner, so no nap for me.
we went to unos, and spent a bunch of time drinking beer and talking, which is good. definitely something to do more often : )
i came home buzzed and didn't do anything cohesive between then and leaving to check out a new club night with him and him. the place itself was small, there was barely any people there and the music wasn't anything special. but, we stuck around, which is just neat. with anybody else, i think there would have just been a consensus to leave... but staying there... and chilling despite how much the evening drooped compared to (at least my) expectations was a very cool experience.
waking up this morning was rough.
i started getting headaches last night, because i'd been drinking alcohol since like 7 and very little water to compensate, and by the time i woke up i could feel the veins in my head throbbing due to constriction. oddly enough, it was actually motivation to get out of bed, because i knew water would make me feel better (which it did).
and now i'm kinda torn about tonight.
a part of me is craving a sunshine slam (yeah, yeah, i know)
a part of me wants to go to nantasket
a part of me doesn't want to drive
a part of me knows that the car and my room need to be cleaned out asap
a part of me feels shitty for slacking on school
and yet another part of me wants to hide under the blankets for the evening.
decisions decisions.
i keep wavering between almost crying at things i see others have written and pushing it all away, back... its an odd juggle, and right now, i don't feel like talking about it any further.
i turned the radio on in the car this morning, for the first time in ages. i was alone, in my car, but i wanted to hear the moment of silence. to connect my experience to that of others, even in such superficial a fashion.
i was angry at the radio announcers. it was so anti-climactic. i know i could have picked better radio stations, but i wanted it to be tuned to something i'd listen to anyways, the stations i used to listen to before the cd player was installed in the car. on 100.7, it didn't feel like they lasted a minute, and then cranked out 'born in the usa'. ugh. on 98.5, there was a speech that mentioned god a little too much for my liking.
*sigh*
i looked for my pictures of the WTC this weekend, and didn't find nearly enough, which makes me thing that they've gotten mixed in with the family photos. the family photos occupy a huge drawer in the dining room cabinet and are not in any order at all. hell, most are just loose in there.
i did find the one i mentioned in last year's entry. its not a great picture. if you didn't know, you wouldn't be able to tell what it is. but i remember laying down, my head pressed against the side of the building, and taking the shot. there's another picture, which i think was taken in the courtyard of the WTC, but i'm not sure. and then there's my mental picture... of the twins on the night we arrived in america.
yesterday was a good night.
i came home intending to nap, but he wanted an early dinner, so no nap for me.
we went to unos, and spent a bunch of time drinking beer and talking, which is good. definitely something to do more often : )
i came home buzzed and didn't do anything cohesive between then and leaving to check out a new club night with him and him. the place itself was small, there was barely any people there and the music wasn't anything special. but, we stuck around, which is just neat. with anybody else, i think there would have just been a consensus to leave... but staying there... and chilling despite how much the evening drooped compared to (at least my) expectations was a very cool experience.
waking up this morning was rough.
i started getting headaches last night, because i'd been drinking alcohol since like 7 and very little water to compensate, and by the time i woke up i could feel the veins in my head throbbing due to constriction. oddly enough, it was actually motivation to get out of bed, because i knew water would make me feel better (which it did).
and now i'm kinda torn about tonight.
a part of me is craving a sunshine slam (yeah, yeah, i know)
a part of me wants to go to nantasket
a part of me doesn't want to drive
a part of me knows that the car and my room need to be cleaned out asap
a part of me feels shitty for slacking on school
and yet another part of me wants to hide under the blankets for the evening.
decisions decisions.
