Feeling alive
Oct. 10th, 2000 11:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll...i don't know how else to call it...
and i haven't felt it in a very long time, but this morning i did.
i got up really early, drove bill to his dentist appointment, and waited int he waiting room for him, as i knew that would be theonly way i would succeed in forcing myself to do homework before class - or at least the amount i had to get done...
and leaving there, when it was still earlier then i am usually up, and getting breakfast with bill, it felt like last fall... and it made me feel alive, and even somewhat happy : )
and it felt so good...
its mostly gone now, and i doubt i'm going to be able to finish all my homework on time, but its remnants have kept me reading, which is good...
and are making me less intimidated by the prospect of having to go up to my professor and explaing how i fucked up last thursday.
and i am really hoping this is going to set a pattern...
i am going to try and get up earlier int he mornings and accomplish more before school starts...
and i am going to try and force myself to do more of my homework...
its funny... talking to c. ont he phone last night, he was telling me that i need to get one of those lamps that seem to help those with SAD, and after i was shirking it in my usual manner, he laughed and said something along the lines of 'yeah, never try telling a depressed person how to help themselves, they'll always come back with a fuck you' and it kinda put things in perspective for me... that i just kinda rejected the idea without looking deep enough into it, and i need to stop that...
well, back to homework now...
and i haven't felt it in a very long time, but this morning i did.
i got up really early, drove bill to his dentist appointment, and waited int he waiting room for him, as i knew that would be theonly way i would succeed in forcing myself to do homework before class - or at least the amount i had to get done...
and leaving there, when it was still earlier then i am usually up, and getting breakfast with bill, it felt like last fall... and it made me feel alive, and even somewhat happy : )
and it felt so good...
its mostly gone now, and i doubt i'm going to be able to finish all my homework on time, but its remnants have kept me reading, which is good...
and are making me less intimidated by the prospect of having to go up to my professor and explaing how i fucked up last thursday.
and i am really hoping this is going to set a pattern...
i am going to try and get up earlier int he mornings and accomplish more before school starts...
and i am going to try and force myself to do more of my homework...
its funny... talking to c. ont he phone last night, he was telling me that i need to get one of those lamps that seem to help those with SAD, and after i was shirking it in my usual manner, he laughed and said something along the lines of 'yeah, never try telling a depressed person how to help themselves, they'll always come back with a fuck you' and it kinda put things in perspective for me... that i just kinda rejected the idea without looking deep enough into it, and i need to stop that...
well, back to homework now...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2000-10-10 11:58 am (UTC)Sometimes men need to understand that women talk out their problems to come to their own solution. Women are very process-oriented. Men, however, are very solution-oriented, and don't care about the how's and why's... they just jump to problem-solved-let's-eat.
A woman will want to talk about how bad her day was, and she'll talk about the terrible traffic on the Southeast Expressway. And the man will jump in and say, "well, tomorrow, take the Pike to 128, and you won't have that problem." And the woman will feel that the man doesn't listen and that he thinks she's stupid. And the man doesn't understand why his very clever attempts to spare her grief aren't being appreciated.
One of the best things a man can do to improve his relationship with a woman is to learn to listen and suggest, rather than rushing in to play white knight.
Which, I know, isn't really applicable in this particular instance, but I thought I'd bring it up anyway. ;)
no subject
Date: 2000-10-10 01:34 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2000-10-10 02:38 pm (UTC)the thing is, is that i've passively considered it over time - i've known about it for like 3 or 4 years now...
i think that a lot of my reasoning against it is the commitment. ...its like the more you commit, the more significant the failure if it happens...
its like i had picked my weapon and was determined that thats doing all i can, the best i can...