(not enough) check(ed off) list
Dec. 30th, 2002 06:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollgot 3 packages today, one of which came Friday.
3 more are in transit, one of which has 3 things in it.
called my school
after some wrangling over 5 dollars that i paid, that i then was told i don't have to pay, but was not credited for even though i did pay it, i am signed up for the winter course. *shudder*
called different department about transferring bunker hill credits - too late
called harvard extension - they're closed till the 2nd.
i feel like a chicken whose head was cut off a couple of days ago... like i'm behind on everything all at once and running out of time. and in the grand scheme of things, that's not really the case.
then again, over the weekend, my mom said something along the lines of only for you does a year go by so unnoticeably and it scares me that she might be right.
i've done a lot in the past year. and i cling, tightly, to the thought that "i'm making progress"... and every once in a while, it hits me that its just not enough. and then i get scared, build more walls and cling tighter.
i fixate too much.
even when i'm not actively doing anything, i point my energy in a direction and its like the rest of the world just melts away. only it doesn't - it stays there, beyond the lines, taunting me.
i need to figure out how to keep going in the right direction and chill the fuck out. even physically, i keep in constant tension. in social situations, i get so tense i feel like anything i do or say will come out looking forced/false so i try not to do/say anything. relaxing, unless its around one of the few people i'm that comfortable with, is a very active effort that takes concentration away from what goes on around me, and i hate that.
i keep swinging between being excited tomorrow and being scared shitless. "what if its a flop?" "what if noone shows up?" i went through this last year, so i know those thoughts are extreme, but they're still there.
bah.
no more possiblypmsyandhopefullyparanoidanddefinatelywhiny spewing.
3 more are in transit, one of which has 3 things in it.
called my school
after some wrangling over 5 dollars that i paid, that i then was told i don't have to pay, but was not credited for even though i did pay it, i am signed up for the winter course. *shudder*
called different department about transferring bunker hill credits - too late
called harvard extension - they're closed till the 2nd.
i feel like a chicken whose head was cut off a couple of days ago... like i'm behind on everything all at once and running out of time. and in the grand scheme of things, that's not really the case.
then again, over the weekend, my mom said something along the lines of only for you does a year go by so unnoticeably and it scares me that she might be right.
i've done a lot in the past year. and i cling, tightly, to the thought that "i'm making progress"... and every once in a while, it hits me that its just not enough. and then i get scared, build more walls and cling tighter.
i fixate too much.
even when i'm not actively doing anything, i point my energy in a direction and its like the rest of the world just melts away. only it doesn't - it stays there, beyond the lines, taunting me.
i need to figure out how to keep going in the right direction and chill the fuck out. even physically, i keep in constant tension. in social situations, i get so tense i feel like anything i do or say will come out looking forced/false so i try not to do/say anything. relaxing, unless its around one of the few people i'm that comfortable with, is a very active effort that takes concentration away from what goes on around me, and i hate that.
i keep swinging between being excited tomorrow and being scared shitless. "what if its a flop?" "what if noone shows up?" i went through this last year, so i know those thoughts are extreme, but they're still there.
bah.
no more possiblypmsyandhopefullyparanoidanddefinatelywhiny spewing.
