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Mar. 30th, 2003 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollthree years ago today i felt good about having moved into this apartment (though that isn't stated explicitly), bill and i started coming out of the honeymoon phase, i was stressed about school and pondering the almost-newfound social awkwardness.
it saddens me that i haven't been able to get past that last bit.
whenever i'm less then 100% comfortable i just clam up and want to disappear into the background. i feel like i can't say anything right, my accent acts up and makes me want to talk even less and i just feel the desire to curl up in a little corner. i fight it, but not nearly well enough... and definitely not well enough to stop it from coming back.
the saddest part of it is that i used to look forward to meeting and getting to know new people.. but now, while i still want to, its overshadowed by all the other stuff.
and if you're curious, i'm still procrastinating schoolwork : /
two years ago today i was less then thrilled, too... i think i wanted time with bill and alone-time at the same time and wanted them all on my terms. not unusual, when i get cranky, i guess.
a year ago today i was at my parent's house, feeling tired, babbly and non-plussed by both driving and holistic doctors. i think it may have also been the last time i saw![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
iggee25 in person. actually, it wasn't. second to last, as this wasn't the time we were sitting in the village and asking strangers to kill roaches for us (the yucky crawly kind of roaches *squicks*)
looking back, i guess march isn't too much of a fun month for me after all, and maybe this will take some pressure off. i really do need to buckle down and do schoolwork, though *cringe*
it saddens me that i haven't been able to get past that last bit.
whenever i'm less then 100% comfortable i just clam up and want to disappear into the background. i feel like i can't say anything right, my accent acts up and makes me want to talk even less and i just feel the desire to curl up in a little corner. i fight it, but not nearly well enough... and definitely not well enough to stop it from coming back.
the saddest part of it is that i used to look forward to meeting and getting to know new people.. but now, while i still want to, its overshadowed by all the other stuff.
and if you're curious, i'm still procrastinating schoolwork : /
two years ago today i was less then thrilled, too... i think i wanted time with bill and alone-time at the same time and wanted them all on my terms. not unusual, when i get cranky, i guess.
a year ago today i was at my parent's house, feeling tired, babbly and non-plussed by both driving and holistic doctors. i think it may have also been the last time i saw
iggee25 in person. actually, it wasn't. second to last, as this wasn't the time we were sitting in the village and asking strangers to kill roaches for us (the yucky crawly kind of roaches *squicks*)looking back, i guess march isn't too much of a fun month for me after all, and maybe this will take some pressure off. i really do need to buckle down and do schoolwork, though *cringe*
