(no subject)
Apr. 1st, 2003 03:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollanxiety is back. i want it to be the 11th, now, please.
i hate it when i have to learn the same lesson more then once.
i hate it when other people let me down, and its still my fault because i let them, because i wasn't active enough in ensuring that they wouldn't.
i hate it when my desire not to make someone else's life more stressful or unpleasant backfires on me.
i hate it when my desire not to make someone else's life more stressful is just a great mask over how its easier to keep my head in the sand.
i hate it when i put things off to deal with them at a 'better time' only to have them explode at the worst possible moment.
and i want answers. i hate waiting and guessing and feeling so out of control.
i've been having somewhat amusing interactions with my family, and have been meaning to write them down
i'm talking on the phone with my mom the day before a scheduled visit.
me: give your children a kiss from me.
her: come here and kiss your children yourself
debbie (in the background): yulia has children?! is there a husband i should know about?!
at a family friend's house on Friday night, the host had a couple of drinks and decided to insist on making my mom make a toast. to rescue her, i decide now is a good moment to make my exit, so i came up and let her know i'm leaving..
mom: see, i can't make a toast, my daughter is leaving to drive to boston and i need to say goodbye.
host: you know, there is only one reason someone would drive to boston at this hour (8pm)
(a minute passes)
mom: well, and whats that?
host: (loudly) a date! (he kept going on for a minute or two)
as my mom and i walk away from the table, my phone starts ringing, as a call from him is coming in.
after i let him know i'll call him back, my stepdad looks at me and says "so [host] was right?"
and there's been a couple of other ones, i just can't remember them right now
i hate it when i have to learn the same lesson more then once.
i hate it when other people let me down, and its still my fault because i let them, because i wasn't active enough in ensuring that they wouldn't.
i hate it when my desire not to make someone else's life more stressful or unpleasant backfires on me.
i hate it when my desire not to make someone else's life more stressful is just a great mask over how its easier to keep my head in the sand.
i hate it when i put things off to deal with them at a 'better time' only to have them explode at the worst possible moment.
and i want answers. i hate waiting and guessing and feeling so out of control.
i've been having somewhat amusing interactions with my family, and have been meaning to write them down
i'm talking on the phone with my mom the day before a scheduled visit.
me: give your children a kiss from me.
her: come here and kiss your children yourself
debbie (in the background): yulia has children?! is there a husband i should know about?!
at a family friend's house on Friday night, the host had a couple of drinks and decided to insist on making my mom make a toast. to rescue her, i decide now is a good moment to make my exit, so i came up and let her know i'm leaving..
mom: see, i can't make a toast, my daughter is leaving to drive to boston and i need to say goodbye.
host: you know, there is only one reason someone would drive to boston at this hour (8pm)
(a minute passes)
mom: well, and whats that?
host: (loudly) a date! (he kept going on for a minute or two)
as my mom and i walk away from the table, my phone starts ringing, as a call from him is coming in.
after i let him know i'll call him back, my stepdad looks at me and says "so [host] was right?"
and there's been a couple of other ones, i just can't remember them right now
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-01 02:12 pm (UTC)Heh, if we learned lessons so easily, we'd be a much more advanced race. Not to say that it's not important to learn lessons, because we do need to grow. However, beating yourself up over not learning a lesson the first time around isn't going to do anything for you.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-01 05:28 pm (UTC)its hard to see myself in a deep hole, see how i got here, and not be angry that i never turned around or stepped back.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-01 04:34 pm (UTC)Did you find a paper topic yet? I have 24 hours, to find not one, but TWO topics for a 6,000 word paper. And it must meet several requirements. Ugh. I hate school.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-01 05:29 pm (UTC)the flight isn't till the 12th, but i intend to enjoy myself on the eve of it.