(no subject)

[elvendoll]

a thought - san francisco took the magic i found in amsterdam away.
the true magic of amsterdam was doing a lot, but all on my own schedule. it was chill, relaxed and just what i needed.
while the visit to san francisco was great and i wouldn't take it back or change it, the whole time i was there, it was a balancing act of what i want vs. what other people want and what the situation and my budget would allow, and it broke the spell. can i have another amsterdam trip to get it back?

yesterday was a good evening. i stayed late here, came home, procrastinated eating, caught what is like my second on-time new episode of buffy since January and spent time hanging out with tobi. it was nice to spend some time chilling at home after all this time away, really good to spend time walking and talking, and really good to decide i won't do any homework during an evening and not be in a perpetual state of guilt/anxiety over it. i reallyreally need to get started on the paper next week, though.

i'm looking forward to tonight, while also trying to temper my expectations, as i tend to overreact to going out of town for a few days. and i know i'm definitely looking forward to the weekend after this one, for some exciting reasons and just because its a weekend at home.

(hours later)
i'm antsy to the point of being frustrated.
i'm annoyed that the world doesn't work on my schedule (or convenience, for that matter) - being somewhat busy and needing to schedule with another busy person who has different base assumptions is less then thrilling.
i'm behind on email and stuff. i'll try to resolve that when noone's posting to LJ over the weekend.
i'm in a weird loop of feeling like i have no time on the weekdays, that i'm not scheduling anything and then stressing because there's so much i want to do that i haven't scheduled because all the right pieces haven't clicked into place yet and i do need free time to work on the goddamn paper. (do they have medications that stop you from being neurotic??)

Comments

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

(do they have medications that stop you from being neurotic??)

Yes, but none of them are currently legal. ;-)