on vulnerability

[elvendoll]

i think i wrote my first poem at 6 or 7,
i used to write all the time, and then i realized that what i was writing was just adding to the mountain of mediocre crap out there to be found with any web search. and i stopped.
and then i realized that i lost something in stopping. now, sometimes, i try to push myself.
i'm only okay with the first stanza. the whole thing needs a revision or ten, but that one will probably see less edits.

my ocean is quiet after this morning's storm.
the clouds still leave shadows, but the waves...
...the waves are small, timid, caressing
the sandy beach, not conscious of the blisters
forming slowly on each foam-finger.

my ocean is quiet after this morning's storm.
the ship it swallowed is almost done sinking to the bottom,
almost ready for its final thud, and then
a millennia to spend assimilating into the bottom
instead of slicing the tender top.

my ocean is quiet after this morning's storm,
resting and readjusting to shape,
constantly in flux and yet so disturbing when it rages.

my ocean is quiet, waiting for the next storm.

Comments

When I write...

[iarwain.livejournal.com]

When I write poetry, I'm usually inspired to write an openning line or three. I can usually complete a decent first stanza if I use stanzas, but the rest kinda peters out. There are exceptions, but that's how it usually works. A great example is at http://iarwain.mortis.org/poetry/wndrbri.htm (http://iarwain.mortis.org/poetry/wndrbri.htm). I like the first two lines, but the rest kinda fades into blah land. Kind of appropriate though for the girl I wrote it about.

[goat.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see you writing again...

and I love the poem....gives me good/sad tinglies.

*smilies*

[davely.livejournal.com]

It's good to see that you are writing again. I remember awhile back (Tiac maybe?) I read some of your poems and liked them. I thought they conveyed good imagery and emotion.

Svet's been pushing me to write more poems after I showed her some of mine. (The one's I'm willing to show to people. ;p)

I find that I can only write a poem in one sitting. I cannot go back and edit it later on. I've rarely done it and one of the times I did it it was more someone suggested the format I had used was wrong and I took their suggestion and everyone I showed it to liked the original better....

BTW, I often use they repetive line structure (my ocean is quiet after this morning's storm) in my poems. I like that method. I think it adds a level of creativity to the poem.

I need to write more... poem, short stories, novel, anything really....

Keep writing and take care...