(no subject)
Jun. 25th, 2003 10:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollyesterday was bad.
usually, i get PMS two-three days before my period starts - i get cranky, bitchy, needy and i've identified it as coming from a source that i refer to as "hormonal" - for all the bad moods i can get into, these are different, and feel like they're coming from deeper in me.
when my body is fucking with me, i get hormonal about a week before my period, for 2 or 3 days, and then maybe once more on the day before i bleed.
the pattern here is that when the bleeding starts, i get cramps and all the physical symptoms, but the emotional stuff goes away.
this time, i had mild hormonal swings last week, and thought that maybe, somehow, i'm in the clear.
nope. hormones picked up Monday evening, and, even though i'm bleeding, wrecked my day almost all the way through yesterday. i even had issues i've never had before, like light/sound/abrupt movement sensitivity.
today feels like how i feel after crying, emotionally, without the physical end of that - like i'm retreating and needing to heal.
i'm hoping today will go much better, and am trying to come up with happy thoughts...
in fact, i'm really hoping it gets better soon, because today is 'lunch with my first boyfriend' day and i'd really like to be in a good and sociable mood for that.
in a part of my dream last night, i went to a club, only it was more like someone's house... i went downstairs, and someone who was short and bald but not![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
spud became spud, conveyed to me that something was off, and took me to a room where there was a round fountain, and a kitten walking on two paws (from one side) in the water. i looked at spud, and said that that's weird - and spud told me to look at who's in the water... i looked, realized that (somehow, don't ask me how!) sol3 was in there... opened my eyes in real life, realized he had turned around, moved up to spoon him and fell asleep.
after the initial shock/incredulence(is that even a word?), i have several reactions to this - (a) is this why some people say they're scared of me? (b) she came over at ten, which means she shouldn't have an accent - guess i'm not the only one whose accent kicks up when angry & (c) weird - my mom is a piano teacher and my stepdad was an engineer.
i have to remember to make phone calls tonight. need to call family, and make sure my stepdad is feeding himself & grandparents aren't driving themselves sick with worry - hearing news about my mom would be good, too. then, there was another phonecall i needed to remember, but don't anymore - this is good news : )
i've been thinking future-stuffs lately, partially because i've been feeling like i finally need to accept that i'm an adult.
i don't necesarily regret dropping out of school the two times i did, but i wish i could've been together enough to have made a different decision. its taking effort to accept that, for most things in life, i'm just a late bloomer. if i didn't hit puberty till 16, it should be okay for me to start looking into carving my path at 24, right?
usually, i get PMS two-three days before my period starts - i get cranky, bitchy, needy and i've identified it as coming from a source that i refer to as "hormonal" - for all the bad moods i can get into, these are different, and feel like they're coming from deeper in me.
when my body is fucking with me, i get hormonal about a week before my period, for 2 or 3 days, and then maybe once more on the day before i bleed.
the pattern here is that when the bleeding starts, i get cramps and all the physical symptoms, but the emotional stuff goes away.
this time, i had mild hormonal swings last week, and thought that maybe, somehow, i'm in the clear.
nope. hormones picked up Monday evening, and, even though i'm bleeding, wrecked my day almost all the way through yesterday. i even had issues i've never had before, like light/sound/abrupt movement sensitivity.
today feels like how i feel after crying, emotionally, without the physical end of that - like i'm retreating and needing to heal.
i'm hoping today will go much better, and am trying to come up with happy thoughts...
in fact, i'm really hoping it gets better soon, because today is 'lunch with my first boyfriend' day and i'd really like to be in a good and sociable mood for that.
in a part of my dream last night, i went to a club, only it was more like someone's house... i went downstairs, and someone who was short and bald but not
spud became spud, conveyed to me that something was off, and took me to a room where there was a round fountain, and a kitten walking on two paws (from one side) in the water. i looked at spud, and said that that's weird - and spud told me to look at who's in the water... i looked, realized that (somehow, don't ask me how!) sol3 was in there... opened my eyes in real life, realized he had turned around, moved up to spoon him and fell asleep.after the initial shock/incredulence(is that even a word?), i have several reactions to this - (a) is this why some people say they're scared of me? (b) she came over at ten, which means she shouldn't have an accent - guess i'm not the only one whose accent kicks up when angry & (c) weird - my mom is a piano teacher and my stepdad was an engineer.
i have to remember to make phone calls tonight. need to call family, and make sure my stepdad is feeding himself & grandparents aren't driving themselves sick with worry - hearing news about my mom would be good, too. then, there was another phonecall i needed to remember, but don't anymore - this is good news : )
i've been thinking future-stuffs lately, partially because i've been feeling like i finally need to accept that i'm an adult.
i don't necesarily regret dropping out of school the two times i did, but i wish i could've been together enough to have made a different decision. its taking effort to accept that, for most things in life, i'm just a late bloomer. if i didn't hit puberty till 16, it should be okay for me to start looking into carving my path at 24, right?
