my body hates me
Oct. 28th, 2000 04:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollaka the correlations are frieghtening
*sigh*
so i'm not 100% sure... more like 85% sure... that i have another tumor in my breast.
it was really odd... the place where the scar from the last surgery is has been giving me odd pangs of pain the past couple of days... so this morning, i realized thats its been like 3 months since i did the little 'self test'... and just burst out crying when i felt one...
after a few minutes, i realized that maybe its just me, maybe i'm doing the self fullfilling prophesy thing.
after scrambling for a while as to find another female to check for me (as bill is working till 1am), i went over to loopyhouse...
i don't think lyzz found it... and she did reassure me that there's a chance its just tissue...
basically, i'm where i was before i went there, but just determined to wait until bill can check it out..
*sigh*
its just odd...
my last one popped up sometime late october/early november (htouhg it took 2 months to comeout of the denial enough to see a doctor about it), just as i had decided to take time off school due to mental health reasons and was looking for a job.
the only thing is that i always attributed it to the fact that that time i lost a bit more weight then i should have from being stressed, and this time i'm plumper then ever.
*sigh*
but the good news is that i'm going to be responisble about this one.
i already called my mom, and she dug up the number of the specialist that did the procedure last time, and on monday will schedule me an appointmnet, prolly for some time during the end of the week.
more scars on my breast is just not something i am looking forward to though : /
as to why this entry is friends only?
well, i don't really care who knows what about my life, still, but i also decided that negative vibes thrown my way while i'm this vulnerable isn't the best thing to risk.
i just can't wait till i can see bill tonight...
and hoping i will suceed in forcing myself to clean anyways..
*sigh*
so i'm not 100% sure... more like 85% sure... that i have another tumor in my breast.
it was really odd... the place where the scar from the last surgery is has been giving me odd pangs of pain the past couple of days... so this morning, i realized thats its been like 3 months since i did the little 'self test'... and just burst out crying when i felt one...
after a few minutes, i realized that maybe its just me, maybe i'm doing the self fullfilling prophesy thing.
after scrambling for a while as to find another female to check for me (as bill is working till 1am), i went over to loopyhouse...
i don't think lyzz found it... and she did reassure me that there's a chance its just tissue...
basically, i'm where i was before i went there, but just determined to wait until bill can check it out..
*sigh*
its just odd...
my last one popped up sometime late october/early november (htouhg it took 2 months to comeout of the denial enough to see a doctor about it), just as i had decided to take time off school due to mental health reasons and was looking for a job.
the only thing is that i always attributed it to the fact that that time i lost a bit more weight then i should have from being stressed, and this time i'm plumper then ever.
*sigh*
but the good news is that i'm going to be responisble about this one.
i already called my mom, and she dug up the number of the specialist that did the procedure last time, and on monday will schedule me an appointmnet, prolly for some time during the end of the week.
more scars on my breast is just not something i am looking forward to though : /
as to why this entry is friends only?
well, i don't really care who knows what about my life, still, but i also decided that negative vibes thrown my way while i'm this vulnerable isn't the best thing to risk.
i just can't wait till i can see bill tonight...
and hoping i will suceed in forcing myself to clean anyways..
