people are complicated...
Aug. 13th, 2003 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendoll...and i've spent some time thinking of the thresholds within my relationships with people.
i'm a fairly judgmental person - i insist on taking each individual as a whole, on seeing the good and bad, and making personal value judgments on those aspects. i think everyone does this, but because being judgmental is taboo, some people do it on a more subconscious level.
how quickly i let someone in is directly proportional to how much sympathy and understanding i have for their faults (the other extreme being a 'these were easy lessons to learn, why can't you get there' reaction), and how much active effort i'm willing to put into a relationship is directly proportional to how deep i've let someone in.
in a lot of ways, because this process is very conscious for me, it makes me into a harsh person - i'm aware of where the lines are, and react logically, rather then emotionally, when they are approached. i'm a firm believer that only people who i allow to hurt me can do so, and it makes me cautious about who gets that power.
on the other hand, once i deeply care for someone, once they're in my heart, the spot they have there is forever theirs. and lately, i've been hurt by the fact that i'm so open to people who have spots in my heart, that i let them in, emotionally, at the first sign of them being willing/able to take their vacated spots, or by me trying to pull them back in there.
the hardest part of that hurt is the knowledge that i do this. i like how i always have a spot for people i care that deeply about, but its something that hurts me; i actively choose something because i like it, but i don't like when/how it hurts me - and i don't see any workaround to that.
i'm a fairly judgmental person - i insist on taking each individual as a whole, on seeing the good and bad, and making personal value judgments on those aspects. i think everyone does this, but because being judgmental is taboo, some people do it on a more subconscious level.
how quickly i let someone in is directly proportional to how much sympathy and understanding i have for their faults (the other extreme being a 'these were easy lessons to learn, why can't you get there' reaction), and how much active effort i'm willing to put into a relationship is directly proportional to how deep i've let someone in.
in a lot of ways, because this process is very conscious for me, it makes me into a harsh person - i'm aware of where the lines are, and react logically, rather then emotionally, when they are approached. i'm a firm believer that only people who i allow to hurt me can do so, and it makes me cautious about who gets that power.
on the other hand, once i deeply care for someone, once they're in my heart, the spot they have there is forever theirs. and lately, i've been hurt by the fact that i'm so open to people who have spots in my heart, that i let them in, emotionally, at the first sign of them being willing/able to take their vacated spots, or by me trying to pull them back in there.
the hardest part of that hurt is the knowledge that i do this. i like how i always have a spot for people i care that deeply about, but its something that hurts me; i actively choose something because i like it, but i don't like when/how it hurts me - and i don't see any workaround to that.
