*kicks rock*
Sep. 22nd, 2003 04:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendollin a lot of ways, i don't think i've grown more in the last year then the few before, but i think i've grown differently.
its like i spent enough strength to stand up, and this year, i feel like i've actually made baby steps.
and what makes me say that?
i've never lost this much to depression.
i don't think the depression is any worse then it was the previous years. but before, there was just less it could take away. now, i look at my life and i see things that i was excited about just two weeks ago - and i feel a void where the excitement was. i've never felt a 'loss of interests' so acutely.
its hitting me socially, too. not only am i craving to hide underneath my blanket for the next six months, i'm also twitchy about seeing anyone outside a select group of people, twitchy about being surrounded by strangers at yoga tonight, twitchy at any hint of emotional entanglement.
and i'm really hoping the 5htp (+ vitamin D) will work; i've been avoiding prescription meds for a long time now and still don't like the idea of jumping on and off them.
its like i spent enough strength to stand up, and this year, i feel like i've actually made baby steps.
and what makes me say that?
i've never lost this much to depression.
i don't think the depression is any worse then it was the previous years. but before, there was just less it could take away. now, i look at my life and i see things that i was excited about just two weeks ago - and i feel a void where the excitement was. i've never felt a 'loss of interests' so acutely.
its hitting me socially, too. not only am i craving to hide underneath my blanket for the next six months, i'm also twitchy about seeing anyone outside a select group of people, twitchy about being surrounded by strangers at yoga tonight, twitchy at any hint of emotional entanglement.
and i'm really hoping the 5htp (+ vitamin D) will work; i've been avoiding prescription meds for a long time now and still don't like the idea of jumping on and off them.
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 08:51 pm (UTC)hope you feel better...
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Date: 2003-09-22 08:58 pm (UTC)personally, the only experience i don't like having alone is going to the movies, but i definately have days when i don't want to do a particular thing on my own.
thinking back to the concert, having been there, i think i would've being there even without the people i went with, but i also have a bias, as it'd be surprising for me to go to a concert of such a genre and not run into anyone i know.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 09:09 pm (UTC)a concert is different. first, i'm not much of a concert goer anyway, and i think i'd feel weird/bored/self-concious going by myself. that seems like a way more social thing. and i guess somehow, even though i like electronic music a lot, i don't really have any friends that do. my old friend from college does, and he lives upstairs in my building, but he's gotten really lazy and i can never convince him to go anywhere. and other than him, i really don't have anyone else i could grab, unfortunately. i used to go to some trance/rave kind of things back in the day, but not very many. it was fun, but i've never really managed to make freinds with anyone from that circle. i actually somewhat regret it - they seemed like really very nice people.
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Date: 2003-09-23 08:48 am (UTC)& if you're ever in boston, let me know & i can see about what clubs, etc, are options & see if i can get a crew together : )
no subject
Date: 2003-09-23 03:00 pm (UTC)