(no subject)

[elvendoll]

i've written and not posted several entries this past week; i've been feeling socially awkward - both in interacting with people and interpreting them.
the SAD is harsh, i feel like i've already drowned. i'm still procrastinating cleaning, and reading cliff notes on my homework instead of the actual book. i talked myself out of dropping the class today, and its not even october yet. i just want me back, damnit. i hate being like this on so many levels. i hate being this fucking incompetent. i hate knowing that i'm wasting time, rotting away, making my own hole deeper. i hate being down and not wanting to be around anyone, not being excited about the things i should be looking forward to, not seeing any respite aside from a vague notion of spring. i hate it when i force myself to "ignore" it, pretend to act like everything is okay and then somehow slip up - and then have the added feelings of 'why try when i'm failing anyways' to fight with.

luckily or not, it isn't constant; i have had moments, minutes, hours without it.
friday night was one - i went to psyforia with sol3 and goat and spent the majority of the time around owen, too.
the setup was nifty - music and lights in outdoor space, next to the river. the outdoorsyness of it was reminiscent of BM, too. i'm looking forward going to these in the spring/summer, when its warm out again.
last night was a mostly good time, too... just don't think i'm ready to talk about it right now...

Comments

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

I would really like to go to Psyforia with y'all in Oct. if you go to that one...

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

cool : )

i'm just not sure whether i would be up for going to an outdoor event in october...