(no subject)

[elvendoll]

i should be working on my paper. or. i should have started well over an hour ago, but i keep pushing it back. i'll start it after this post, which i'll keep short.
reading pir's post just took my head for a spin. all of a sudden, i remembered my visit back to russia when i was 16. how moscow was filled with nostalgic memories for me, but also felt very foreign. i remember how weird it was for me when people remembered me - it wasn't just friends i used to play with.... it was the old ladies who used to sit on the benches of the courtyard, the woman working in the bakery of our building, etc - they would look at me, 6 years after i disappeared, and all of a sudden recognize/remember me, remember my name.
roma has been trying to convince me to go back and visit. a part of me feels guilty for never taking him up on it - especially not two years ago, as i'd told me friends, when they asked when i'll be back, 'in another 6 years'.
i'm scared to go back.
scared because right now, odds are, those old ladies don't sit on the benches anymore and the friends i had probably moved away by now. the one person i've been actively trying to find might be in germany or england by now.
but yeah, i'm scared of going back there, and missing the last bits that had made it home.

Comments

[pir.livejournal.com]

It's odd, isn't it. I don't know many people outside of London or Cambridge over here anymore but I expect I have more contact with people and places here than you do in Russia (I come back once or twice a year).

Generally I go and socialise with people who I keep up to date with online.