it doesn't feel like a thursday...

[elvendoll]

...but i'm not really going to object.

i'm feeling tense this morning, and i hope this passes.

yesterday was an off evening.
i planned on running errands after work, but on my way down the stairs i realized that my body was not feeling up to anything other then being on the couch, so i drove straight home.
within an hour, i was feeling progressively worse - it started as just feeling lightheaded/weak and then went into the 'my heart beating is sucking out all my energy'* feeling, alternating between having a clear head that felt weighed down by how off my body was feeling and having an off head as well..
i haven't had one of these in a while, so i guess it was just time... i just hate that it happened on an evening i had social plans - i would've felt awful canceling out, and i felt awful being there and a basket case.
it ended up clearing up after dinner, after sol3 and i ran an errand, went to blockbuster, and then got back to my house, so i did enjoy a part of the evening.

partially from conversation last night, partially from the realization that if i get my hair cut soon, i could wear a wig on halloween, the urge to chop off my hair is back.
right now, the biggest second thought is about how to manage the scarves i will need to have. i really dislike having stuff to carry around. if there's a choice, i prefer not to have a purse - just wallet, keys and phone in jacket pockets. right now, i have a purse because i don't have a wallet yet/still, but its tiny and summer-y, so i was planning on ditching it as soon as the office was heated enough for me to wear a jacket in, and have one set of long sleeves on while here.
so, i'm having unpleasant mental pictures of having stuff/clutter with me everywhere i go. would i stick a hat/scarf combo into my sleeve when taking my jacket off and then fuss with them falling out every once in a while? where do other people put theirs?

its partially caused by feeling tense overall, but i'm feeling tense about this weekend. i'm not looking forward to the drive tonight. i am looking forward to friday night plans, but unreasonably feel like my time with abi is going to be cramped... although its pretty much guaranteed that my family will make a big fuss about sunday afternoon plans with my evil twin. and my grandparents are pseudo-decided about jamaica - in that they're having me look into pricing for 5 people but don't know who the other couple is going to be yet - which is very different from the way i work on making plans.

still no money or email from the person who bought my phone.

i realized in class that my next paper is due the first tuesday of november - right after halloween weekend. now, i haven't been able to keep up on the reading since the last paper and its due after a weekend of major social plans. i think this means that i'll need to chain myself to the books for the weekend of the 24th, but even with that, i'm feeling a lot like a fish out of water. i need more time and more energy, and i think its the latter that is killing me, because i've pulled off classes this tough in the spring and summer before. with st. john's wort, i don't feel so broken that i'm barely functioning or so off that i don't feel like myself anymore, but i'm still not where i am during the nicer months... and unfortunately, i don't know what i could do about that.

Comments

Have you considered moving?

[newbodvie.livejournal.com]

to like AZ, CA, LA, NM, somewhere that it's warm and sunny most of the time? I know I have different emotional states depending on the season (not nearly as severe as you) and I've often thought that having the sun/warmth most of the year would make me a happier person throughout the year.

Re: Have you considered moving?

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

yes, i have : )

i'm hoping to, timing is another story...

Re: Have you considered moving?

[newbodvie.livejournal.com]

March/April....let's go! :-)

Re: Have you considered moving?

[cuthalion.livejournal.com]

You like fog, right?