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elvendollwhen i was a senior in high school, my guidance counselor told me i work well under pressure. that's not the case anymore, and i want to know when stress stopped making me productive and started making me spin my wheels.
this week has been less socially busy then i expected, but much more stressful, and with a lot more spinning my wheels then i'd like.
i stayed home on Tuesday, worked the regular hours and then tried to finish my paper. i didn't succeed - only added a page to it.
apparently, word had crashed before i made any of my changes, though, because despite the fact that i saved after every 5 lines or so and that it closed without any error messages, when i reopened the doc last night, it said (Recovered) and didn't have any of Tuesday's changes.
i ended up adding about a page, and then stopped to go talk to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tobi. of course, that lasted longer then expected, and i didn't do much more when i got home, so right now, i'm halfway through page 7, and have 1.5 body paragraphs to go + conclusion.
in theory, if i want to skimp on it, i could change the font to arial, finish the current paragraph, do my conclusion and be okay... but that last paragraph is the professor's suggestion, so i'm not very into that option. we'll see.
i'm not happy with myself for not having the paper done before the weekend, but stewing on that won't make anything any better, so i'm trying not to. i'll just get it done while taking my escape from the city this weekend and drive or email it in on Monday. yeah.
i hatehatehate being broken. there's something i'm ultrasensitive to, and whenever it happens, i feel like my world is caving in. i overreact to a real, but theoretically temporary, problem and stop being able to cope. some family stuff blew up yesterday, and dealing with that actually made me feel better then i had been up until that point *shakes head*
and yeah, family stuff.
my grandmother loves me unconditionally. sometimes, that unconditional love prevents her from being able to put things in perspective - my mom found a vacation package for herself and my stepdad that he might be agreeing to. this is huge - she never gets to go on vacations, has been really wanting and needing one, and this might actually happen. well, the dates for it would conflict with the tentative dates for my grandparents' and my vacation. and my grandmother started yelling at her for it.
luckily, instead of getting overly upset, my mom called me... and i told her that, of course, her vacation takes precedence over mine, that she should book it and that i'll talk to the grandparents. i just don't get how my grandmother's brain warped that way.
i talked to my grandparents, and we have alternate dates.
my grandfather is being wonderful and dealing with the travel agents, and found a package the two of us agreed on. then, last night, around 9, i get a call from my grandmother, who is having second toughts.
in theory, i know if i tell her "this is what i want and how i want it", that'll shut her up. the idea of doing that creeps me out, though - which means i need to talk to my grandfather and gauge if i should do that for his sake vs. my own, because i'm sure he's getting more then an earful himself.
and, my mom has a second opinion appointment this morning; her first dr. told her the tumor is too small to do a biopsy, and that she should get an MRI (from a 'good' place, as its important, but without referrals), and that she should then recheck it in 6 months.
i'm really hoping today's appointment goes much better then that.
three years ago today i was just starting work here(!!!), was having food issues, had gone out to ceremony and was procrastinating shopping. i wonder if my food issues are seasonal, too...
two years ago today i was cranky and moody, talked about running into people randomly and made a filtered entry about boys.
a year ago today i had a lot on my mind. i wrote about almost oversleeping, about the online class i was taking, about my grandfather recovering from heart surgery and my mom's hellish schedule.
i wrote about fixing things, and ebb and flow - which i'm better with now, but still have a ways to go before it stops being an issue. and i had a bit more to say about the previous year's entries then i did just now.
tonight looks busy, and will hopefully be less stressful then i foresee it being - i need to rush home, pack for the weekend, get dolled up and go tosol3's company holiday party, and then the two of us drive to vermont.
the tradeoff is that tomorrow, we'll wake up in mini-vacation.
this week has been less socially busy then i expected, but much more stressful, and with a lot more spinning my wheels then i'd like.
i stayed home on Tuesday, worked the regular hours and then tried to finish my paper. i didn't succeed - only added a page to it.
apparently, word had crashed before i made any of my changes, though, because despite the fact that i saved after every 5 lines or so and that it closed without any error messages, when i reopened the doc last night, it said (Recovered) and didn't have any of Tuesday's changes.
i ended up adding about a page, and then stopped to go talk to
tobi. of course, that lasted longer then expected, and i didn't do much more when i got home, so right now, i'm halfway through page 7, and have 1.5 body paragraphs to go + conclusion. in theory, if i want to skimp on it, i could change the font to arial, finish the current paragraph, do my conclusion and be okay... but that last paragraph is the professor's suggestion, so i'm not very into that option. we'll see.
i'm not happy with myself for not having the paper done before the weekend, but stewing on that won't make anything any better, so i'm trying not to. i'll just get it done while taking my escape from the city this weekend and drive or email it in on Monday. yeah.
i hatehatehate being broken. there's something i'm ultrasensitive to, and whenever it happens, i feel like my world is caving in. i overreact to a real, but theoretically temporary, problem and stop being able to cope. some family stuff blew up yesterday, and dealing with that actually made me feel better then i had been up until that point *shakes head*
and yeah, family stuff.
my grandmother loves me unconditionally. sometimes, that unconditional love prevents her from being able to put things in perspective - my mom found a vacation package for herself and my stepdad that he might be agreeing to. this is huge - she never gets to go on vacations, has been really wanting and needing one, and this might actually happen. well, the dates for it would conflict with the tentative dates for my grandparents' and my vacation. and my grandmother started yelling at her for it.
luckily, instead of getting overly upset, my mom called me... and i told her that, of course, her vacation takes precedence over mine, that she should book it and that i'll talk to the grandparents. i just don't get how my grandmother's brain warped that way.
i talked to my grandparents, and we have alternate dates.
my grandfather is being wonderful and dealing with the travel agents, and found a package the two of us agreed on. then, last night, around 9, i get a call from my grandmother, who is having second toughts.
in theory, i know if i tell her "this is what i want and how i want it", that'll shut her up. the idea of doing that creeps me out, though - which means i need to talk to my grandfather and gauge if i should do that for his sake vs. my own, because i'm sure he's getting more then an earful himself.
and, my mom has a second opinion appointment this morning; her first dr. told her the tumor is too small to do a biopsy, and that she should get an MRI (from a 'good' place, as its important, but without referrals), and that she should then recheck it in 6 months.
i'm really hoping today's appointment goes much better then that.
three years ago today i was just starting work here(!!!), was having food issues, had gone out to ceremony and was procrastinating shopping. i wonder if my food issues are seasonal, too...
two years ago today i was cranky and moody, talked about running into people randomly and made a filtered entry about boys.
a year ago today i had a lot on my mind. i wrote about almost oversleeping, about the online class i was taking, about my grandfather recovering from heart surgery and my mom's hellish schedule.
i wrote about fixing things, and ebb and flow - which i'm better with now, but still have a ways to go before it stops being an issue. and i had a bit more to say about the previous year's entries then i did just now.
tonight looks busy, and will hopefully be less stressful then i foresee it being - i need to rush home, pack for the weekend, get dolled up and go to
sol3's company holiday party, and then the two of us drive to vermont.the tradeoff is that tomorrow, we'll wake up in mini-vacation.
