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Jan. 6th, 2004 02:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolli lost a bunch of a journal entry with a crash earlier, and it just falls too in line with how i'm feeling in general to be a spike on my radar.
i've been feeling exhausted and somewhat hormonal for the past few days. the hormonal i can understand, its time for that, but the exhausted is a bit troublesome - because all i want is to rest, and its hard to keep in mind that i just won't feel rested.
partially from feeling so exhausted, i have somewhat intense negative desire to go to NJ this weekend. the problem is, its one of two weekends before march when that is feasible, and the other one is my first weekend after starting classes. and i know it sounds silly, but my schedule would be much saner if the mexico trip didn't shift weeks.
actually, i'm fairly resentful of just about everything right now : /
and, i'd like to talk to my mom. only when i called she was out.
my grandfather, on hearing my voice and me telling him i'm feeling tired, told me not to come visit. but, he's being selfish, because he gets to spend time with me soon, and my mom and sisters aren't going to be there.
since he's going to pass a message to my mom, i'm not sure he'll do it right when she gets home, and calling twice, to see if she is home, will likely make him worry.
of course, when i talk to my mom, i'm going to get shit for being a bad relative.
my grandmother's cousin needs help with an emotionally-charged and potentially-damaging decision she's about to make. she called me on Friday morning, and i decided not to spend time talking to her then, as i knew she was at work and she sounded to be on the verge of tears ( i know for me, i hate crying at work and prefer to have a charged conversation end or be postponed). i called her back on my way home from work and got no answer. i then didn't have my phone on me for most of the weekend and neglected to call her before it was too late last night. so, i left a message on her cell this morning - as much so i can tell my mom that i made effort to be in touch. the thing is, i think she's about to make a really stupid decision and i have a hard time being in 'mentor' position to someone 30+ years older then me.
and yeah, i'm feeling exhausted/drained, and its the kind of exhausted/drained that doesn't pass no matter how much i rest - so i have to keep in mind that its not okay to take extra time to rest.
last night, i had chamomile tea and a valerian pill before going to bed, hoping that'd help me feel rested in the morning but no dice; i couldn't even get myself out of bed within an hour of the first snooze : /
oy.
if i've failed to mention it recently, i have the most supportive family ever.
my mom called me, without ever knowing i'd called, because she stumbled into the VS sale, already got me a couple of bras and wanted to check if i'd want silk panties.
i checked with her about her MRI results (not in yet), and mentioned that i'm feeling exhausted and overwhelmed - to which she told me that i shouldn't push myself. i told her that i may not have time to visit again until march, and she held to her opinion - which makes me feel both relieved and guilty.
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tobi and i talked about family last night, and it emphasized how unique my experience probably was.
my parents' attitude to me was a very blanket 'don't ask, don't tell' - or, almost like 'if you want your privacy, don't do anything we'll notice' - i was allowed to keep to myself without much of any parental interference as long there weren't any signs of trouble. my parents never knew how i was doing at school or what was going on in my life and i was happy enough with that to hide anything that would rouse suspicion. but, it also meant that it was very rare/unusual for me to be accountable to anyone other then myself, and i never felt like my actions were scrutinized/judged.
(and wow, i don't think that made any sense, so i'll just post this and hope people understand anyways)
i've been feeling exhausted and somewhat hormonal for the past few days. the hormonal i can understand, its time for that, but the exhausted is a bit troublesome - because all i want is to rest, and its hard to keep in mind that i just won't feel rested.
partially from feeling so exhausted, i have somewhat intense negative desire to go to NJ this weekend. the problem is, its one of two weekends before march when that is feasible, and the other one is my first weekend after starting classes. and i know it sounds silly, but my schedule would be much saner if the mexico trip didn't shift weeks.
actually, i'm fairly resentful of just about everything right now : /
and, i'd like to talk to my mom. only when i called she was out.
my grandfather, on hearing my voice and me telling him i'm feeling tired, told me not to come visit. but, he's being selfish, because he gets to spend time with me soon, and my mom and sisters aren't going to be there.
since he's going to pass a message to my mom, i'm not sure he'll do it right when she gets home, and calling twice, to see if she is home, will likely make him worry.
of course, when i talk to my mom, i'm going to get shit for being a bad relative.
my grandmother's cousin needs help with an emotionally-charged and potentially-damaging decision she's about to make. she called me on Friday morning, and i decided not to spend time talking to her then, as i knew she was at work and she sounded to be on the verge of tears ( i know for me, i hate crying at work and prefer to have a charged conversation end or be postponed). i called her back on my way home from work and got no answer. i then didn't have my phone on me for most of the weekend and neglected to call her before it was too late last night. so, i left a message on her cell this morning - as much so i can tell my mom that i made effort to be in touch. the thing is, i think she's about to make a really stupid decision and i have a hard time being in 'mentor' position to someone 30+ years older then me.
and yeah, i'm feeling exhausted/drained, and its the kind of exhausted/drained that doesn't pass no matter how much i rest - so i have to keep in mind that its not okay to take extra time to rest.
last night, i had chamomile tea and a valerian pill before going to bed, hoping that'd help me feel rested in the morning but no dice; i couldn't even get myself out of bed within an hour of the first snooze : /
oy.
if i've failed to mention it recently, i have the most supportive family ever.
my mom called me, without ever knowing i'd called, because she stumbled into the VS sale, already got me a couple of bras and wanted to check if i'd want silk panties.
i checked with her about her MRI results (not in yet), and mentioned that i'm feeling exhausted and overwhelmed - to which she told me that i shouldn't push myself. i told her that i may not have time to visit again until march, and she held to her opinion - which makes me feel both relieved and guilty.
tobi and i talked about family last night, and it emphasized how unique my experience probably was.my parents' attitude to me was a very blanket 'don't ask, don't tell' - or, almost like 'if you want your privacy, don't do anything we'll notice' - i was allowed to keep to myself without much of any parental interference as long there weren't any signs of trouble. my parents never knew how i was doing at school or what was going on in my life and i was happy enough with that to hide anything that would rouse suspicion. but, it also meant that it was very rare/unusual for me to be accountable to anyone other then myself, and i never felt like my actions were scrutinized/judged.
(and wow, i don't think that made any sense, so i'll just post this and hope people understand anyways)
