(no subject)
Sep. 20th, 2004 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elvendolli wrote a post a couple of years ago about feeling off about my life because i had landed where i was through a series of passive decisions - things had happened, and i had reacted to them, and then plop, there i was.
i just realized i don't feel this way anymore.
those decisions were still passive decisions, and yes, they've had a huge influence over my life.
but, over the past couple of years, i've begun taking my life into my own hands. i'm making active choices, i'm working for them and i'm carving a path - even if i still don't know where it's leading.
and now, i feel centered in my life. i feel like the good things that are here are here because i've worked for them, not because things landed on my lap.
now, there's this idea that this centeredness, this feeling of owning my life, is created by hard work. stewing on this idea is going on the to-do list.
somewhat related is an idea i talked about with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kittypie - that there are people who are on the move, and in the move, create and then upheave life over and over again. and there are people who nest, and they find a niche and try to maintain it's groove while the movers upheave it, and are then left looking for the next niche in a potential cycle.
the idea was to become less of a nester - to flow with change and learn how to become part of the change rather then continually trying to cling to things that aren't meant to stay static.
i'm not sure how i'm doing in this department.
today was a fairly bad day for me. by the end of the workday, all i wanted was to pack a couple of bags of clothes, get in my car and head towards warmer climes. and these pulls are definitely getting stronger with time (and the AC being kept too cold at work does nothing to help).
i came home, had a bowl of cereal and headed off to my first bellydancing class.
it was hard, and i got most of it wrong, and i was fairly anxious/uncomfortable, but leaving the studio, i definitely felt better. now, i have a week to decide if i'm going to go back. either way, i am really happy i went.
i'm enrolled in two classes at the moment.
i'm being a slacker about starting homework stuffs and my excuse is that the books i ordered off of amazon's resellers still haven't arrived. hopefully, that won't bite me too hard in the next couple of weeks.
i'm taking intro to sociology as my 'easy' class. originally, i was eyeing another course, but was dumb and didn't notice that the class was focussed on 1680-1800, and period classes are rarely easy. in the end, i picked sociology because umass requires 101 to take the more interesting sociology classes, which are also offered online, so i'm opening the door to taking more interesting classes in the future.
and, i can't decide if i want to go out or stay in and read tonight. hrmph.
i just realized i don't feel this way anymore.
those decisions were still passive decisions, and yes, they've had a huge influence over my life.
but, over the past couple of years, i've begun taking my life into my own hands. i'm making active choices, i'm working for them and i'm carving a path - even if i still don't know where it's leading.
and now, i feel centered in my life. i feel like the good things that are here are here because i've worked for them, not because things landed on my lap.
now, there's this idea that this centeredness, this feeling of owning my life, is created by hard work. stewing on this idea is going on the to-do list.
somewhat related is an idea i talked about with
kittypie - that there are people who are on the move, and in the move, create and then upheave life over and over again. and there are people who nest, and they find a niche and try to maintain it's groove while the movers upheave it, and are then left looking for the next niche in a potential cycle.the idea was to become less of a nester - to flow with change and learn how to become part of the change rather then continually trying to cling to things that aren't meant to stay static.
i'm not sure how i'm doing in this department.
today was a fairly bad day for me. by the end of the workday, all i wanted was to pack a couple of bags of clothes, get in my car and head towards warmer climes. and these pulls are definitely getting stronger with time (and the AC being kept too cold at work does nothing to help).
i came home, had a bowl of cereal and headed off to my first bellydancing class.
it was hard, and i got most of it wrong, and i was fairly anxious/uncomfortable, but leaving the studio, i definitely felt better. now, i have a week to decide if i'm going to go back. either way, i am really happy i went.
i'm enrolled in two classes at the moment.
i'm being a slacker about starting homework stuffs and my excuse is that the books i ordered off of amazon's resellers still haven't arrived. hopefully, that won't bite me too hard in the next couple of weeks.
i'm taking intro to sociology as my 'easy' class. originally, i was eyeing another course, but was dumb and didn't notice that the class was focussed on 1680-1800, and period classes are rarely easy. in the end, i picked sociology because umass requires 101 to take the more interesting sociology classes, which are also offered online, so i'm opening the door to taking more interesting classes in the future.
and, i can't decide if i want to go out or stay in and read tonight. hrmph.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-21 08:43 am (UTC)there's two factors involved in how long i've stayed at the apartment, and the one that really keeps me there is financial - our rent has never been raised, and i see no reason to leave a reasonably priced place in a great neighborhood.
the other part is that before moving there, in the two and a half years i had been in boston, i had lived in 4 places.
for the last of them, i was there for almost a year and a half, and it was a fairly miserable place to live - small, less then stellar roommates, etc. but, the place was $300/month and my reasoning was that i could move, and find myself in a similar situation, only to be paying more.
eventually, s., s. and i decided to find a new place and make it home - we were all tired of living in houses, in places that didn't feel comfortable and with people we didn't totally mesh with. with that move, i had made the active decision to live in a home.
and, while there's been times when things in the apartment were rough, i've stuck to the premise on which i had moved in - that i want and need to be living in a home, not just a house shared with other people.
i'm definately doing different things with my life then i was 7 years ago, 5 years ago, 3 years ago and even 2 years ago - i wouldn't be able to function if i wasn't growing.
in relation to social situations, being a nester means trying to maintain social dynamics that are in the process of changing, fighting the change to retain the familiar.
that said, the concept hinges largely on the difference between clinging to something because it is safe/pleasant/etc without serious consideration of the changes at hand, and choosing something because you have weighed the alternatives and made a decision. even in social situations, when the social current is moving a person towards crossing their boundaries, resisting the change becomes a healthy & active choice.