(no subject)

[elvendoll]

this is probably the most stressful holiday season i've had thus far.

visiting the family had a higher number of stressors then usual - it turns out my greataunt got really upset when i didn't call her during my November visit and has decided to insist that she be driven to see me anytime i come to visit - which sparked several arguments between her and my mom, and while i wasn't directly involved, i still felt that.
getting to go out on Saturday night involved a bit of planning stress, and then morning-stress as sol3 was practically snuck out of my parents' house.
after that came the shopping trip that made my mother declare that the entire family will never all go shopping together again, and more stress as the grandparents were late to come over, delaying my drive back by a bit and causing my greataunt to get upset all over again. not to mention that i find my greataunt's presence both aggravating and stressful. not only is she the only member of my family that i dislike, but she's also totally blocking out that she made 5 years of my life miserable. on top of that, she is convinced she only sees me once a year (even though it's usually 4-5), and retells this one story about my childhood to me each time - a story that happens emphasize the negative change in my perception of my stepfather over the years. like i need the reminder.
and after that was the 6 hour drive home, half of it through the snow.

yesterday was a rollercoaster day full of meltdowns. somehow, i need to drill it into my head that if i feel something is a bad idea, i shouldn't let myself get persuaded by others to try doing it anyway.
a conversation i had with sol3 is also making me wonder if i've bumped up against the opposite of the 'boy who cried wolf' effect - that maybe, despite my self-perception to the contrary, i present such an even face that when i say 'X would really upset me', it doesn't make an impact on people. at the same time, i don't know what i'd want to happen... in the end, a bad day or a bad week is still no more then a blip in the overall scheme of things - and yet treating all of life like that sounds like a rather bad idea.

and not only has this season been the most stressful, but i've had the least inspiration/luck when it comes to presents. as in, i don't have any for so many people it's downright scary. i'm not quite sure what to do.

Comments

[autumnsshadow.livejournal.com]

making me wonder if i've bumped up against the opposite of the 'boy who cried wolf' effect

i think i was trying to touch on this a bit ago when i was wondering what the happy medium is.

crying wolf effect

[bitvoid.livejournal.com]

I think the difficulty with the anti-wolf-effect is that the effect of getting upset a lot (or not at all) is exactly the opposite on people who do and don't care about one's feelings.

In the case of someone who doesn't really care about your feelings, but has to spend time around you (e.g. coworkers), getting loudly upset on some regular basis is a good way of reminding them that not being considerate of you is likely to make life unpleasant for them, and they'd best be nice. Conversely, never getting visibly upset sends the message that treating you badly has no consequences (thus making them more likely to do so).

The flip side is that with someone who does care about your feelings, your getting upset frequently is likely to be emotionally draining to them, and thus encourage them to withdraw from you to some degree emotionally, and thereby become less caring and responsive towards you. Whereas never getting visibly upset will (or should) encourage them to look closer for signs of upsetness (since we know everybody's upset at least occasionally), and thereby become closer and more attuned to you.

Although I've never thought this out before, it neatly explains why I tend to present a face to my coworkers of being ready to fly off the handle at any moment, whereas I'm generally imperturbable around my friends. Either that, or my coworkers might just be a lot more annoying. ;)

Anyway, in either case, it obviously means there's no single pattern that works..and that's not evening taking into account people who do care, but are just dense..or people who enjoy upsetting others. I think, really, everyone requires a different level of getting-upset-with, and it just takes time to refine the best way of interacting with any particular person.

Anyway, I don't know that that's helpful at all, but it was fun to think about. ;}