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elvendollthis isn't a 2 + 2 = 4 realization, per se, but definitely a narrowing down of a part of where i am.
when i get anxious, i retreat into myself.
when i retreat into myself, i feel very boring/uninteresting.
when i feel very boring/uninteresting, i can't comprehend that people might see me differently.
when i can't comprehend how someone could like me for who i am inside, i see any new interest in me as being due to my body type (which is something i don't take personally) and oscillate between being weirded out by it and hoping i can keep that interest long enough to actually come out of my shell - but with the presumption that something sensual/sexual enough happening would also be a termination point of said interest.
and the end result is that retreat into myself, and end up feeling rather uncomfortable in my own skin, and how can i stop being anxious if i'm feeling uncomfortable in my own skin?
(the answer, of course, is, like with any other cycle, by actively pushing myself)
and if that was the only cause/cycle of my anxiety, i might even consider myself a lucky girl.
(good thing i consider myself to be a lucky girl for other reasons, eh?)
when i get anxious, i retreat into myself.
when i retreat into myself, i feel very boring/uninteresting.
when i feel very boring/uninteresting, i can't comprehend that people might see me differently.
when i can't comprehend how someone could like me for who i am inside, i see any new interest in me as being due to my body type (which is something i don't take personally) and oscillate between being weirded out by it and hoping i can keep that interest long enough to actually come out of my shell - but with the presumption that something sensual/sexual enough happening would also be a termination point of said interest.
and the end result is that retreat into myself, and end up feeling rather uncomfortable in my own skin, and how can i stop being anxious if i'm feeling uncomfortable in my own skin?
(the answer, of course, is, like with any other cycle, by actively pushing myself)
and if that was the only cause/cycle of my anxiety, i might even consider myself a lucky girl.
(good thing i consider myself to be a lucky girl for other reasons, eh?)
