(no subject)

[elvendoll]

i'm still in a bit of shock, and also amazed at my apparent ability to stay in denial.

three years ago, i went to jamaica with my grandparents. my grandfather and i were having lunch one day, and he made a reference to my evil twin, and then said "k., n.'s daughter - have you met her?" now, k. had been living abroad for a few years, but i've known her since i've been old enough to retain memories.
a couple of years ago, he was tested for alzheimer's, and the tests came back negative - and both my mom and i settled into the idea that his memory issues are caused by his depression, and once he's convinced to go on anti-depressants, everything would be okay again.
the idea that he won't be getting better is crushing.
my grandfather is a brilliant man; he graduated college with the highest honors, published close to a hundred articles, sold an invention to israel, and is fairly fluent in written english. he has always been a bit distant with his family, but whenever something happens that is big enough to get his attention, he has always been very patient about getting all sides of the situation and being understanding of ideas he doesn't agree with. he has a great sense of humor, that he often uses to downplay my grandmother's nagging nature.
his intellect has always so essential to who he is, the idea of him losing that is just as painful as the idea of him dying.
i was about to type that i don't understand how my mom could've given me news like that in the manner that she did - but i do - it's her denial.

in so many respects, i'm lucky to have seen so little death.
while i lost both the great-grandmothers that i knew, they passed away after i left russia, which mitigated the sense of loss; my paternal grandmother passed away in the same period. i never knew my stepdad's grandmother well or my own paternal grandfather.
it's hard to imagine what my parents' life is going to be like from now on. between this news and my stepdad's father's latest accident, it sounds like both sets of grandparents, and my great-aunt, will be needing more and more help, and my parent's time and energy is stretched thin already.

Comments

[rojagato.livejournal.com]

I'm so very sorry. I hope that your family and your grandfather get the support that they need.

[veek.livejournal.com]

Is your grandfather living in a nursing/assisted-living home now? If not: please, please talk to your family now about the circumstances under which they'll be willing to place your grandfather in one.

There seems to be this inevitable point, with Russians, at which they are caring for a sick relative All By Themselves (or with inadequate help) and can no longer manage, but deny that, making themselves and the relative miserable. I'm sort of going through that with my mother right now. It's a hard thing to do, but if there's any possibility that the family might not manage past a certain point, then that point needs to be settled on now.

Ping me if you want to talk, mm? It's a long and unpredictable road, with definite phases. Hang in there.

[elvendoll.livejournal.com]

my grandparents have their own apartment right now, and sadly, I don't see my family putting them in an assisted-living home. But you're right, I should talk to my mom about what she/they will do when things get worse. Thank you so much.