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elvendoll... and damnit, i need to be put under.
i know i di this all by myself, to myself, but damnit, sometimes life doesn't let you slow down.
its my first week working full time in like a year and a half.
so what do i do? monday i napped, but then went out to ceremony.
tuesday i was zombified - i couldn't have gone anywhere if i had wated to.
yesterday i was home for all of 5 minutes before midnight - thats more then 12 hours out of the house, out and about, and today i just got in like a half hour ago.
i need to pass out.
i also need to take a shower now, so that i don't have to wake up earlier to do it - but right now i just don't want to
and i feel bad because bill and i haven't spent much time together. i've either been out or zombified. makes me miserable kowing that if the situation was reversed, i'd go apeshit on his ass.
and the funny thing is that tomorrow isn't going to be any better. i have to hit the south shore plaza after work to get some last minute stuff, then come home & wrap the presents i didn't tonight, and then get ready for the party. i don't have the slightest clue as to what to wear.
stress? whats that?
this is also like the first year i am buying people presents. i love giving gifts, but i hate looking for presents. so anyone other then SO's and really close friends, i usually skipped holiday shmoopyness and if i saw something that screamed someone's name at me, i'd get it for them.
but this year the spirit of the party took hold of me.
i honestly think i'm beginning to regret it already.
and up untilt oday i was looking forward to saturday... but... today bill found out his mom had a 2 day emergency room visit, and now 'm gonna go up there with him to see her. i feel horrid about it, but i am really dreading it. i feel bad that she's run into icky stuff, but at the same time, i am not comfortable around her int he first place, and to top it off, i am uncomfortable around sick people, period... it like a horrid double whammy that also blows the day of rest. andi feel bad because i know why i dislike being around sick people. i've shut off that empathy valve, and i feel nothing for them most of the time, while knowing full well how wrong that is. its just that when i let myself be an empth, it just hurts a lot, and that particular valve has been shut off for so long now, i have no clue where the switch is anyways.
ugh. enough icky stuff.
on the plus side, i think work is going well.
and no matter how tired i am, having a job makes me feel a world and a half better - its like this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders - i am no longer a complete loser, and can start working on other parts of me that are screwed up.
and even some of that has been happening naturally.
i've been more social lately...and going to stores the past two days, i've beenable to keep my vrowd discomfort from really getting to me, aside from a couple of brief moments.
but there's definately still tons more i need to work on.
especially getting chroes.errands done. i've been really really horrible about that lately.
and there's like 5 errands i need to run before i can finally be registered for a class next semester *bleagh at the prospect of errands* *bleagh*
so this journal entry ison the sucky side.
i am just super tired, soi don't have the enrgy to go into details, and anything i do now is bound to comeout whiny.
i don't mean to whine.. it just happens all on its own when i am this out of it.
mebbe i should take that as a hint & go to bed?
*sigh*
i know i di this all by myself, to myself, but damnit, sometimes life doesn't let you slow down.
its my first week working full time in like a year and a half.
so what do i do? monday i napped, but then went out to ceremony.
tuesday i was zombified - i couldn't have gone anywhere if i had wated to.
yesterday i was home for all of 5 minutes before midnight - thats more then 12 hours out of the house, out and about, and today i just got in like a half hour ago.
i need to pass out.
i also need to take a shower now, so that i don't have to wake up earlier to do it - but right now i just don't want to
and i feel bad because bill and i haven't spent much time together. i've either been out or zombified. makes me miserable kowing that if the situation was reversed, i'd go apeshit on his ass.
and the funny thing is that tomorrow isn't going to be any better. i have to hit the south shore plaza after work to get some last minute stuff, then come home & wrap the presents i didn't tonight, and then get ready for the party. i don't have the slightest clue as to what to wear.
stress? whats that?
this is also like the first year i am buying people presents. i love giving gifts, but i hate looking for presents. so anyone other then SO's and really close friends, i usually skipped holiday shmoopyness and if i saw something that screamed someone's name at me, i'd get it for them.
but this year the spirit of the party took hold of me.
i honestly think i'm beginning to regret it already.
and up untilt oday i was looking forward to saturday... but... today bill found out his mom had a 2 day emergency room visit, and now 'm gonna go up there with him to see her. i feel horrid about it, but i am really dreading it. i feel bad that she's run into icky stuff, but at the same time, i am not comfortable around her int he first place, and to top it off, i am uncomfortable around sick people, period... it like a horrid double whammy that also blows the day of rest. andi feel bad because i know why i dislike being around sick people. i've shut off that empathy valve, and i feel nothing for them most of the time, while knowing full well how wrong that is. its just that when i let myself be an empth, it just hurts a lot, and that particular valve has been shut off for so long now, i have no clue where the switch is anyways.
ugh. enough icky stuff.
on the plus side, i think work is going well.
and no matter how tired i am, having a job makes me feel a world and a half better - its like this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders - i am no longer a complete loser, and can start working on other parts of me that are screwed up.
and even some of that has been happening naturally.
i've been more social lately...and going to stores the past two days, i've beenable to keep my vrowd discomfort from really getting to me, aside from a couple of brief moments.
but there's definately still tons more i need to work on.
especially getting chroes.errands done. i've been really really horrible about that lately.
and there's like 5 errands i need to run before i can finally be registered for a class next semester *bleagh at the prospect of errands* *bleagh*
so this journal entry ison the sucky side.
i am just super tired, soi don't have the enrgy to go into details, and anything i do now is bound to comeout whiny.
i don't mean to whine.. it just happens all on its own when i am this out of it.
mebbe i should take that as a hint & go to bed?
*sigh*
